a lesson on coexisting.

 

 

 

Don't be rude.

 That's all. 

lovee

i love being reminded of how wonderful my husband is.

who constantly picks up the slack from those around me. like when i'm disappointed, or hurt, or left out. he's the one to fix it.

who sends me the most encouraging little messages when i cannot keep it together.

who brings me lunch at 2:30 because i forgot to eat on my lunch break. (asiago bagel and a smoothie. he knows me too well because i was seriously thinking about an asiago bagel. like alllll day.)

who will forever and always be my best friend.

he's so cute i could puke. iloveyou,epc.

Week of Thanks, Week Thirty Three

307. Working in the nursery at church. Not only did I get to cuddle with a 3 week old babe, but I got to rock, and sing, and make baby talk at the sweetest little baby. And, it's practice. ;]

308. House hunting. You guys? This is really happening!!!

309. Evan's job interview!!! Eeeek!

310. Having almost the same sched as Evan. <3 <3 <3

311. Fridays. They never get old.

312. Generousness.

313. Having a professional work e-mail with an attorney sticker on it to scare my landlord with. (OH because it's only been 11 days without a shower and he's being a loser.)

314. When I texted my mom something that annoyed me, and I ended it with, "I want to tell her to shut her whore mouth, MOM." And she said, "Well at least I got your cell phone plan fixed. You have unlimited data now. That's one good thing for today." bahahaha always on the bright side.

315. My brother: "Do you know how to swing dance?" "Yes. Why?" "Can you teach me?" Awwwww!

316. That my parents cook us dinner and graciously let us use their shower until ours is fixed.  Dinner is just extra because they're nice.

317. Montana Little Leaguers! Whoohoo!

318. Most hilarious comedian ever. Had so. much. fun. And had two yummie slushies. (Thank you for dragging my mopey self out of the house, epc.)

50 books for 2011 part 4

Parts 1 and 2 and 3 here and here and here.

I'm such a slacker. I'm never going to get through 50 books if I don't seriously get on this. AND TV starts again next month and I'm literally counting down the moments until my shows and I are reunited. Which will further impede my ability to read. Except for I'll make it work. Here's what I read this month:

Finished:

16. Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs.

Verdict: Was this written by a 3-year-old? I feel like it was. Does that tell you how I feel about it? No? Ok, well I'm confused as to why it has 4 out of 5 stars on Amazon? And I'm also confused as to why these people are saying it's such an amazing book. Because I disagree. I gave it one hundred chances, but I had to finish it because I'm not a quitter. It's some sort of fantasy thriller (and omg amazon is selling a "collectible" for $60. i will give you this crumpled up piece of trash I just found between my couch cushions for free, and that's a better deal.) and maybe that's the problem. maybe i don't like books like that. but maybe Mr. Ransom Riggs shouldn't procrastinate till the night before his deadline and write it all in one night. And he tries so hard to be funny. And it is just pathetic. He really did a good job in the first 5% because that free preview really reeled me in.  I feel gypped. This is #2 the worst book I've read this entire year. But at least it was free.

17. The Girl in the Fall-Away Dress by Michelle Richmond.
Verdict: In. Love. I love Michelle Richmond. And I love short stories. Match made in heaven. (Fave short stories ever: No One Belongs Here More Than You by Miranda July. So, so, so wonderful. Read it.)

Currently reading:
18. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathon Safran Foer.
Verdict: I have no idea where I found this book, but it was on my kindle and it was right after Miss Peregrine's and I needed to get that junk out of my brain so I clicked the next book and this was it. Now that I see the cover I recognize it from somewhere. But I don't know where. Anyway. I love stories like this. I don't know what "this" is but I cry and laugh and highlight and Evan has to forcefully remove the book from my hands. So good.

this week.

since last week was so, so, so terrible, i am determined to make this week 150 times better. it's not starting out the best because our bathroom is at a complete standstill, we still have to shower at not our house, the neighbor's dogs bark nonstop, and my dog can climb the fence and get out.

BUT. i'm promising myself that despite these obnoxious problems, and the same problems that are carrying themselves over from last week, that i will have a good week this week.

i'm so inspired by suzy's list. when i get off work all i want to do is mope. especially after already being in a bad mood, i have absolutely no motivation. this week: reading, reading reading. painting, sewing, walks and runs. (gotta strengthen my baby lungs!) cooking dinner and house hunting.

i'm going to look forward to the future. because sometimes, this exact moment sucks. big time. but good things are always to come. like labor day no work equals no monday equals that'll be an awesome week. evan's birthday and maybe a trip to laramie/denver? and ethiopia. and perhaps a raise when i return? and maybe jack's mannequin. and thanksgiving. and christmas. and a homeeeee.

i'm going to allow myself a moment, but not a lot of moments. because my body cannot handle all that stress along with the icky from my house, my smoking neighbor, my dusty renovated office, and everything else. i'm going to be kind to myself.

i'm going to be kind to myself. because this is the only self i've got.

Week of Thanks, Thirty Two

297. A refreshing and much needed Friday after a week from hell.

298. My brother leaving for college. So proud of him!

299. Late night chats with my parents. About my childhood. "Mom, remember that time I puked on you?.........Dad! I puked on you once, too!" hahahaha I'm awesome.

300. My talent for remembering random facts. Example: I remember the name, car and car color of our real estate agent in Flathead when I was probably 6ish. Orrrr...the dream I had the only night I ever slept on my parents floor. (only night because my dad stepped on me.)

301. Being inappropriate with my mom about the people on Design Star.

302. "How about a game?" "How about nooooooo!!!"

303. Locked texts from my brother. "j.  td. txt.  my phone had a seizure just there."

304. Businesses who love my law firm and thus bring us goodies.

305. Typing 125 words per minute. Um, can I just say that I'm awesome?

306. Even after a horrible week, still being able to find things I'm thankful for.

this week.

i can't even lie. this week sucked.

i don't even know where it began. maybe it began last week with that nasty bug bite. that lasted until tuesday when i had my allergist appointment. who told me i am allergic to the world. with allergy induced asthma. prone to insanely large mosquito reactions. they made me take an allergy test and turns out i'm allergic to everything under the sun. every type of grass, every type of weed, mold, pollen, cat, dog, house dust, tree........did i forget anything? my back was one giant red welt. evan took a picture but i'll spare you. they did the scratch test, which means they dropped little drops of FORTY different substances then pricked me with a needle and then i writhed in pain on that disgusting "sanitary paper bedding" they put on exam tables. and i wanted to kill something because it itched so bad.

did you see how i'm allergic to house dust/mold? i would love to show you a picture of my bathroom but i'll refrain from that as well. mostly, our bathroom is a giant moldy dust room. or dusty mold room. either way, it's horrible. the fan doesn't even have enough suction to hold a single piece of TP up. which means that it doesn't have enough suction to suck up teeny tiny water droplets. which means they condensate on my ceiling and slash walls. which means mold grows there. which means i'm living in an allergy capsule. i'm allergic to my own damn house.

and then, the kitties went byebye. i was ok until the next morning when i wasn't anymore because bob was no longer here to cuddle me (even though i'm allergic. i love cuddles.). (hey evan, get him back. thanks. seriously.) and sybil was all sad and lovey to us because she was lonely and that made me even more sad.

and so my landlord came to town and decided to renovate our bathroom. (with a little help from me because i pulled the already loose tiles completely off the wall. i mean...no i did not.) he tore the tile out then realized the walls were soaking wet. uhhh that should be your first indication of no bueno. so he had to let it dry over night. then he spent an entire day tiling.....which he spaced by hammering NAILS between the tiles. ohmygosh. i'm a girl and i could do better. and then he couldn't grout because whatever. TWO days without my own shower. (thank you mom and dad for letting us mooch.) and he's coming on a SATURDAY, at like 9, when all i want to do is sleep sleep sleep to finish up. and what started as a shower tile project turned into him ripping the walls down. which exposed the original 65 year old sheet rock which i'm sure is covered in asbestos which i'm sure i'm also allergic to.

and then there was a power surge that knocked our work server off and IT couldn't figure it out so i had nothing to do for an entire day. you'd think they'd let us leave since we couldn't use the phone, access e-mail, accounts, matters, internet...nothing. but no. we all sat at our desks and complained and i threw things. and by thing i mean a fit. because this week, i am 2-years-old. and when i finally found something to do, this lady made me go through boxes of copies and through out the duplicates. really? i have a degree and i'm throwing out the 15 copies of this picture? and organizing a box of weed samples that i'm probably allergic to? and pouting because i don't want to do this because it's boring and i don't understand it and i don't know she's making me do it when it's her boss. and ug. she's rude and i don't like to be treated like i'm 4, even though i was acting 2. 

and then i went to work and had major anxiety because evan didn't plug my phone in so it was practically dead. my anxiety gets so bad sometimes that the tinest little thing can set it off. to where i'm sitting in the bathroom hyperventilating, praying no one comes in because i'm having a moment. and of course, the public restrooms that no one uses 3 floors down are being remodeled. suck. that makes no sense. i know. the thing i was actually anxious about wasis ethiopia. but then my phone was dying and i didn't want to be honest about what was really wrong so i just pretended to not be mad about that which made everything worse. because we owe 3000 dollars in 9 days. annnnd we have like 6. six dollars. not six thousand.

i'm just stressed. i'm mad that i'm suddenly allergic to everything and that when i walk the block to my office i cannot breathe and i feel like my chest is caving in. i'm mad that my job doesn't pay me better so i can pay for ethiopia. because um, i can't. i'm mad that i have such high anxiety. i'm mad at the itchy spots on my back that are right on my bra line. "you're going to be really allergic to these next ones. let me put them right where your bra sits." thaaaaanks. i'm mad at this gnawing headache i've had for the past week.

i'm just mad and stressed and angry and tired and exhausted and worn out and depressed and sad and frustrated. and every other bad emotion that could possibly be. i knowww that you can't appreciate the sunshine without a little rain. but this week is a freaking monsoon.

photoshoot

After taking my cousin Marilyn's senior pictures on Sunday, I think I'm going to not be a paralegal and I think I'll just take pictures for the rest of my life. Seriously? SO. FUN.

Here's a few of my faves!

And by a "few" I mean eleven. We had so much fun. Her smile is so great and those spontaneous snapped ones are my absolute fave! She's such a beautiful girl, I'm so glad I could give her this gift as she begins her final year of high school.


Ps. We illegally trespassed onto that railroad bridge and it is terrifying. Those posts are like a foot apart and they creek and moan under the slightest weight. I would probably pee my pants going over a bridge in a train. But those are the coolest pictures. The sun was kind to us. Also that chair? That's thanks to my antique parents. I never liked it until I stuck it in a field of wilderness. Now I'm in love. We're going again for round 2 soon because we just had too much fun to only do this once.

Week of Thanks Week Thirty One

 

287. Sunset chasing with my husband.

288. Sing-a-longs with the hubs. You should hear us. We're great.

289. Girl talk. And being segregated like a high school dance. Hi Ashley, Libby, Carly <3

290. Being married one year. Equals adoption application starting soon. Oh. My. Gosh. I can't even.

291. Food cooked over an open fire. Always tastes better. Food also tastes better outside miles and miles away from home.

292. Real friends.

293. Being prayed over. Every single time, it's always one of the greatest moments of my life.

294. No heat curl! I'm obsessed.

295. Making Evan pee his pants.  "That was a lot." ......."of person?" bahaha. You had to be there. I'm hilarious.

296. Being only two months from our leap of faith. I could not be more excited for fall and this new chapter in our lives!

rant

 Something positive:

I "no heat curled" my hair today. First of all, it took me like 5 minutes. It's the cutest hairstyle I've ever seen. When I take out the headband, I'm going to have baby ringlets. Perfect baby ringlets. Without heat. Jamie and Tori pulled this off and I finally tried it. In. love. AND. Evan had his draft order party something something today at Walmart. They had to go get two pre chosen items and check out. And that's their order for picking players for their draft. One of Evan's items was this tube of hot pink lipstick and I'm kind of in love. I wore red lipstick (for the first time out and about!!!) to my friend's wedding last night and loved it. But this pink? So fun. And I've been wearing it for 4 hours and it doesn't peel, chip, dry out, or flake off. I'm a fan. Now if the lipstick company would like to pay me for such a nice plug, tha'dbegreat.


But. I need to rant for two minutes.


Can you even believe how rude some people are?

This is me being really mad at everyone right now.

First, I had this gigantic, terrifying bug bite on my arm. I got bit sitting in the grass at a BBQ for our friend moving to Asia to be amazing. It was a normal mosquito bite that turned into this at 8:30 the next morning:

 Gross. That's a dime by the way. I don't think bug bites should ever be larger than a dime. That is covering the entire inside of my arm. I also had not scratched it at all. It did that on it's own. WebMD said it was cellulitis and it was going to make me go blind and brain dead. So I left work early to go to Same Day Care to make sure my entire body wasn't infected (since obvi my arm is). I called first to see how long the wait was so I could maybe take my lunch accordingly and the lady was SO. MEAN. "We no longer give wait times because it can change drastically in no time. Bye." click.

As I'm opening my mouth to say that I understand, I'm not going to hold her accountable I'm just trying to make it work with my job, she hangs up on me. Hi. When you work in a profession where you have to deal with people, you need to be nice. You need to be respectful. You need to be courteous. I'm not above complaining because I pay your paycheck when I come in. And guess what, lady? Do you know who my mom is? Nick Wolters owes her his life, so you better not cross my path.

Second, the doctor who saw me was no help whatsoever. "Go in the grass and see if you can find what bit you." Yes. Because it's still going to be there. And when it is I'm going to.....what, exactly? (Same crazy doctor who lied to my throat doctor when I had my tonsils out. I cannot stand him.) He gave me a prescription for an oral cortisone. I'm allergic to topical cortisone so that makes a lot of sense. I had to call the allergy department before I filled the prescription because I have an allergist appointment on Tuesday and I'm not allowed to have any medicine until then. When I called that lady she was even ruder than the Same Day lady. She acted like I was the biggest waste of her time and my simple question was the stupidest question she'd ever been asked. I'm sorry I'm trying to prepare for my appointment so I don't waste your time. I hope she's the nurse on Tuesday because I'm over rude people and I'm letting her know.

That's not all. Today we went to Farmer's Market and we took the dogs because obviously. We are walking along, minding our own business when this man came up to us and shoved his finger in Evan's face. Evan was like "what." (Not a question. He was mad.) And the guy was like "get your dogs on the sidewalk." All rude and nasty. Apparently it's now a city ordinance that you can't take your dogs to Farmer's Market. Ok. That is fine. But you better put up a sign where I can see it and not on a sticky note on the barricade. When I don't even walk by the barricade to get in. And don't be rude. If you "advertise" that you can't bring your dogs, take into consideration that not everyone listens to the radio, reads the paper, or watches TV. I do none of those things, ignore my BA in mass comm please. The guy brought me to tears because he was so rude first thing in my morning. (I'm writing a letter of complaint.)

To make my day even better, I read the meanest thing I've seen in a long time that has been weighing heavily on my heart all day. Evan says I read too much into things. But not this time. He agrees with me. And I'm so glad I have him to live this life with. Because gosh. Sometimes it's just hard. Sometimes, you just need a tube of hot pink lipstick to brighten your day, because everything else is going to just tear you down.

23 before 24 update

7. Sing ONE Karaoke song.

Let's get something straight. I do not like to be center of attention. In my mind I do. But in real life, when I'm in public, I'm bound to do something awkward and embarrassing so I just steer clear from any and all situations that result in me being the COA. (That's what we called it in high school. I'm 12. [pronounced co-uh])

Anyyyyway. Last night we went to Daniel Tosh's standup which was amazing. First time seeing a comedian in real life and I'm a fan.

Then all my friends went to their usual bar which we have not gone to since that one night that crazy old man accosted me and all my friends watched and laughed. You guys, he grabbed my shoulders and was like "COME DANCE!!!" and I was like, "oh...no thanks...." and he kept laughing and shaking me and yelling at me to dance with him. Evan was singing and so no one was there to protect me. My bff is sitting 1 inch from me and missed the entire thing. I know if she saw she'd protect me. Because I'm incapable of protecting myself.

The point of that story was to tell you that now I'm scared of going places. Even my favorites. That, and ohIhavetowakeupat6am. Yuck. 

But we conquered my fears and we went to the bar and I didn't get accosted. And all my friends keep saying, "when are you going to sing? it's on your list. tonight tonight tonight!!!" shut up in here, you guys! I have a million years before I'm 24. 

But Evan rudely put my name in to sing with him and all of the sudden I was pulled up to the little stage and a mic shoved in my sweaty hand and I was singing my favorite song ever. With Evan, of course.

I'm not gonna lie, it was kinda fun. I might even do it again. Jamie's a pro and junk but she's pretty ambitious. I'm a wallflower.

photo courtesy of jamie

Told you I'm awkward. With my hand on my hip? Jamie does that so I did, too. What are you suppose to do with your non mic hand? Sometimes I held the mic with 2 hands like a 3-year-old and her sippy cup. I'm cool.

Ps. We sang, "The man who can't be moved" by The Script. But that's Xenia from The Voice and I like her version better because she's a girl so she changed the lyrics to accommodate that. And by "we sang" I mean Evan sang and I mouthed the words. Jk. I sang. But you couldn't hear me. Thank God.

Who cares, though? I crossed it off my listy! Now only .......twenty one to go. hahaha lovely.

23 before 24 update

4. Go camping, sleep in a tent, fry some fish.

Check, check, fail.

We got our selves all prepared to go on this day hike camping trip and sleep at this gorgeous lake where millions of fishies swim swim swim and want to be eaten.

But then, at 5:00 am when we were stealing my parents' lawn chairs, Evan decided to check his phone just in case this camp ground was closed. So. Prepared. So we ended up going to this campground no where near where we wanted, without a hiking spot (which would have knocked another thing off my list...). But it ended up being perfect because we were the only people there (until like 40 people drove up, got out of their cars, walked to the river, turned around, went back. sweet.), we didn't have to deal with hauling our junk a long distance, and we didn't have to keep our dogs on leashes. We're so illegal.

This tent belongs to my parents. My dad was all, "Do you know how to set this up? It's kinda tricky." Dad. I'm not 12. I'm pretty sure I can figure it out. Um no. Should have listened to my father because it came out looking like a stegasaurus. And Evan was screaming and it was hot and my shoulder was burning and this was not right or fun.

And then we figured it out. It's still a little stegasaurus-y but that's ok. It's cute.

This happened. "Daaaaad can I go get it? Puhleaaaase?"

And we took a nap and woke up to thunder. Lovely.

I illegally fished. Illegal because fishing licenses are 400 million dollars and we only bought one. For Evan. No I didn't catch anything. NOR did I lose the lure like Evan did 60 times.

Would ya look at it? Would ya just look at it? We built a fire! And boiled some water. PS. Would you drink river water? I said no. Evan wanted to boil it for dinner and I was not having it. I'm a water snob.

Some serious wildlife. That's a raccoon eating a snake. The raccoon was on this bridge like 50 yards away, and I was pretty sure it was a monkey. People kept stopping and taking pictures. Of a raccoon? Sweet. THAT'S why I thought it was a monkey.

I need a cabin here. Naow.

The water was freezing. Nothing has ever felt so good.

Then this happened. Evan says, "Ummmmm what does this light on the dash mean?" "Tire pressure needs checking." "We'll check it in Columbus (30 miles away)." Then I hear this noise and see the front of my car leaning to the right like the tire is f-l-a-t flat. It sure was. Got it changed by the help of a very nice neighbor because Simon's jack, jack placement, and tire iron are not good. So screw you Simon. Also screw you for running over a rock and splitting your tire open.

All in all, it was a wonderful trip. We roasted mallows and hot dogs and ate pickles and chips and cookies and asiago cheese bagels (which is the best thing on this planet if you didn't know.). Snap puked in the car all over one of our sleeping bags and a blanket. So we had one sleeping bag and one fleece blanket. And two dogs. It was freezing. Plus the wind was blowing 900 miles an hour and the were some serious rocks under my shoulder and spine. I cannot wait for my bed and a million blankies tonight.

And I cannot wait to go again and for reals catch some fishies. I love summer.

Week of Thanks, Week Thirty

279. Getting my Blackberry back. Oh happy day! (Not being able to get on FB or Blogger anytime, anywhere was really impeding my social networking capabilities.) JK. But seriously.

280. When work buys you restaurant lunch.

281. Getting to see my Ethiopian friend Dawit and give him pictures and letters and hugs for the kids!

 Isn't he the cutest?  Such a sweet human. We were romping around Addis all day, ignore how unshowered we look. We look unshowered because we are. Ha.

282. Getting through the ENTIRE month of July without ANY sick. Holy cow that is huge! Thank you, tonsils, for leaving my body!

283. Watering the lawn. It is my favorite chore ever ever.

284. The copier at work having the ability to 3 hole punch as. it. copies. Coolest invention ever.

285. Camping. Oh, and having the most comfortable bed in the world to come home to.

286. Chaco tan.

and..........

Today was one of those days that I needed to come home to a jug of wine. Kidding, but seriously. I have a glass of wine + soda + lemon and lime. Yum. So relaxing after a super obnoxious day.

You know what else is relaxing? When you see some pretty flowers poking through the fence.

And then your puppies lay down next to you in the soft, cool grass and give you puppy kisses and high fives and you smell that yummy sprinkler smell that makes you want to drink out of a hose, even though that cannot be sanitary.

I regret naming my dog Snap for the simple fact that that is such an androgynous name. Poor dog. Every conversation concerning her goes something like this:
Human: What kind of dog is that little white one?
Me: SSSSHEEEEEEEEEEEE is a pekingese yorkie mix. *Note the over emphasization (just made that up. yep.) of the pronoun "she."*
Human: Oh! HE'S so cute.


Oh is HE? With that pink bow in HIS hair and his PINK collar and PINK harness and PINK leash? ADORABLE. How are you suppose to handle that situation? Sometimes I pretend Snap is a he, but then I apologize profusely the second the human is out of earshot. Sometimes I don't use any pronoun and just walk away. Sometimes they ask further questions that require use of a pronoun. Such as: "What's his name?" "Snap." I don't speak like that. Instinctively I say: "HER name is Snap." (Or his, if I'm super avoiding awkward situations.)

This makes me worried for my children. Am I going to have the guts to correct people when they guess the wrong sex? Probably because I feel like I will be pretty outspoken. SHUT YOUR FACE THAT IS A GIRL CAN YOU NOT SEE THE PINK BOW AND MOMMY'S LITTLE PRINCESS SHIRT? YOU ARE A DUMB IDIOT. GET YOUR GERMY GERM HANDS AWAY FROM MY CHILD YOU BLIND MORON.

This is where my mind goes after a glass of wine on a Wednesday evening. Have a nice night.