and..........

Today was one of those days that I needed to come home to a jug of wine. Kidding, but seriously. I have a glass of wine + soda + lemon and lime. Yum. So relaxing after a super obnoxious day.

You know what else is relaxing? When you see some pretty flowers poking through the fence.

And then your puppies lay down next to you in the soft, cool grass and give you puppy kisses and high fives and you smell that yummy sprinkler smell that makes you want to drink out of a hose, even though that cannot be sanitary.

I regret naming my dog Snap for the simple fact that that is such an androgynous name. Poor dog. Every conversation concerning her goes something like this:
Human: What kind of dog is that little white one?
Me: SSSSHEEEEEEEEEEEE is a pekingese yorkie mix. *Note the over emphasization (just made that up. yep.) of the pronoun "she."*
Human: Oh! HE'S so cute.


Oh is HE? With that pink bow in HIS hair and his PINK collar and PINK harness and PINK leash? ADORABLE. How are you suppose to handle that situation? Sometimes I pretend Snap is a he, but then I apologize profusely the second the human is out of earshot. Sometimes I don't use any pronoun and just walk away. Sometimes they ask further questions that require use of a pronoun. Such as: "What's his name?" "Snap." I don't speak like that. Instinctively I say: "HER name is Snap." (Or his, if I'm super avoiding awkward situations.)

This makes me worried for my children. Am I going to have the guts to correct people when they guess the wrong sex? Probably because I feel like I will be pretty outspoken. SHUT YOUR FACE THAT IS A GIRL CAN YOU NOT SEE THE PINK BOW AND MOMMY'S LITTLE PRINCESS SHIRT? YOU ARE A DUMB IDIOT. GET YOUR GERMY GERM HANDS AWAY FROM MY CHILD YOU BLIND MORON.

This is where my mind goes after a glass of wine on a Wednesday evening. Have a nice night.