this week.

i can't even lie. this week sucked.

i don't even know where it began. maybe it began last week with that nasty bug bite. that lasted until tuesday when i had my allergist appointment. who told me i am allergic to the world. with allergy induced asthma. prone to insanely large mosquito reactions. they made me take an allergy test and turns out i'm allergic to everything under the sun. every type of grass, every type of weed, mold, pollen, cat, dog, house dust, tree........did i forget anything? my back was one giant red welt. evan took a picture but i'll spare you. they did the scratch test, which means they dropped little drops of FORTY different substances then pricked me with a needle and then i writhed in pain on that disgusting "sanitary paper bedding" they put on exam tables. and i wanted to kill something because it itched so bad.

did you see how i'm allergic to house dust/mold? i would love to show you a picture of my bathroom but i'll refrain from that as well. mostly, our bathroom is a giant moldy dust room. or dusty mold room. either way, it's horrible. the fan doesn't even have enough suction to hold a single piece of TP up. which means that it doesn't have enough suction to suck up teeny tiny water droplets. which means they condensate on my ceiling and slash walls. which means mold grows there. which means i'm living in an allergy capsule. i'm allergic to my own damn house.

and then, the kitties went byebye. i was ok until the next morning when i wasn't anymore because bob was no longer here to cuddle me (even though i'm allergic. i love cuddles.). (hey evan, get him back. thanks. seriously.) and sybil was all sad and lovey to us because she was lonely and that made me even more sad.

and so my landlord came to town and decided to renovate our bathroom. (with a little help from me because i pulled the already loose tiles completely off the wall. i mean...no i did not.) he tore the tile out then realized the walls were soaking wet. uhhh that should be your first indication of no bueno. so he had to let it dry over night. then he spent an entire day tiling.....which he spaced by hammering NAILS between the tiles. ohmygosh. i'm a girl and i could do better. and then he couldn't grout because whatever. TWO days without my own shower. (thank you mom and dad for letting us mooch.) and he's coming on a SATURDAY, at like 9, when all i want to do is sleep sleep sleep to finish up. and what started as a shower tile project turned into him ripping the walls down. which exposed the original 65 year old sheet rock which i'm sure is covered in asbestos which i'm sure i'm also allergic to.

and then there was a power surge that knocked our work server off and IT couldn't figure it out so i had nothing to do for an entire day. you'd think they'd let us leave since we couldn't use the phone, access e-mail, accounts, matters, internet...nothing. but no. we all sat at our desks and complained and i threw things. and by thing i mean a fit. because this week, i am 2-years-old. and when i finally found something to do, this lady made me go through boxes of copies and through out the duplicates. really? i have a degree and i'm throwing out the 15 copies of this picture? and organizing a box of weed samples that i'm probably allergic to? and pouting because i don't want to do this because it's boring and i don't understand it and i don't know she's making me do it when it's her boss. and ug. she's rude and i don't like to be treated like i'm 4, even though i was acting 2. 

and then i went to work and had major anxiety because evan didn't plug my phone in so it was practically dead. my anxiety gets so bad sometimes that the tinest little thing can set it off. to where i'm sitting in the bathroom hyperventilating, praying no one comes in because i'm having a moment. and of course, the public restrooms that no one uses 3 floors down are being remodeled. suck. that makes no sense. i know. the thing i was actually anxious about wasis ethiopia. but then my phone was dying and i didn't want to be honest about what was really wrong so i just pretended to not be mad about that which made everything worse. because we owe 3000 dollars in 9 days. annnnd we have like 6. six dollars. not six thousand.

i'm just stressed. i'm mad that i'm suddenly allergic to everything and that when i walk the block to my office i cannot breathe and i feel like my chest is caving in. i'm mad that my job doesn't pay me better so i can pay for ethiopia. because um, i can't. i'm mad that i have such high anxiety. i'm mad at the itchy spots on my back that are right on my bra line. "you're going to be really allergic to these next ones. let me put them right where your bra sits." thaaaaanks. i'm mad at this gnawing headache i've had for the past week.

i'm just mad and stressed and angry and tired and exhausted and worn out and depressed and sad and frustrated. and every other bad emotion that could possibly be. i knowww that you can't appreciate the sunshine without a little rain. but this week is a freaking monsoon.