bby kicks

i was kind of maybe being a whiny baby since i hadn't felt any real kicks yet. and my belly button is almost an outtie. i don't think that's a fair trade.

but then i started feeling lots of kicks. those little baby legs sure are strong. and even evan got to feel last night. he fell asleep but i laid in bed laughing every time i pressed on a foot and that foot would press back.

and then this morning while i was getting ready, more kicks and pushes and movement. little babe is stretching out all big in my tiny belly.

i love that evan finally gets to feel it. my friend allison (who is also pregnant) said that this is the best moment because i get to watch him turn into a dad.

but, i've already seen it. like when he primed the nursery and first helped me unhoard all of my things. or when he sits on the babies r us website with me to find the perfect car seat. or when he walks through the baby clothes at target and we play the "who can find the cutest outfit" game (i always win because tutus trump everything). or when he sits at barnes and noble reading through a bajillion baby name books trying to find thee name. or when we talk about our childhoods so that we can figure out the best way to raise our baby. i love him. a lot. this sure is one lucky babe to get to have that man as its dad.

21 weeks, again

we had our halfway ultrasound this week. you know, to rule out twins and find out the baby's gender. first, the guy was kiiiiind of a creep. he made me change into a gown and then covered me with a blanket and he goes, "here, let me tuck this into your undies." let me do that? and also don't call them that. i specifically told him that we did not want to find out the gender and so he didn't even look. hopefully all parts are there and in working order. we both saw.....something....and looked at each other at the same time but in case you didn't know, neither of us have our degrees in ultrasound technology. so. we could be wrong.

he also didn't give me a print out picture which i'm super duper bummed about. he gave me a CD. to "print as many pictures as i want." "to hang in my garage." i'm telling you. it was weird. also, since it's just as easy to put one picture on a CD as it is to put 15, why wouldn't you just put 15? he gave me 3. the first one is a scary skeleton baby head. the second is a perfect little baby head with the cutest nose (my nose, evan says, because it's pointy. uhhh....) and the third is this horrible horrible picture of TWO HEADS. because the baby (singular) must have been moving and caused a shadow or some sort of fancy double exposure and it looks like two heads. ha ha, very funny mr. creepy tech.

you guys, that is not my nose. it's super cute, my that's not my nose. ultra sound pictures are so sketch.

anyway. i had to have a full bladder but mine was too full. and i was soooo uncomfortable. especially because the bathroom was immediately next to the waiting room and all i could hear was the flushing toilet. i don't know how i didn't pee my pants. but he made me empty my bladder half way. even crueler than having a full bladder! evan was all, "can you do that?" but i did it. and then the baby swam around all happy because it could move again and wasn't being compressed by like 100 ounces of liquid. poor kid.

and we looked at all the important parts like the head and the kidneys and bladder ("these are kind of hard to see if you're not used to looking for them." yes, thank you. that's why you're here, homie.) and measured the leggity legs (barely over 2 inches for the thigh bones) and the baby went night night. and while it was asleep, it had it's hand up by its face. LIKE ME. JUST LIKE ME! not sucking its thumb, but just using that arm as a pillow or light blocker or something. AH! but because the baby was asleep we didn't get any good pictures of its spine.

so at like 4, as i'm sitting at my desk all happy and excited about seeing my baby babe, the nurse calls me to say that 1. i'm measuring super small. that my due date, according to the ultrasound should be april 6, not march 30. but my doctor doesn't want to change the date just yet. but that puts me at 21 weeks, not 22. 2. that the bby is measuring super small. that it should be at least a pound by now and it's barely 14 ounces. those ounces may not be much but we need every one we can get. oh, that's the 11th percentile, btw. 3. they need to see the spine.

that last part scares me. but i have an appointment next week so i can say, can you not call me and freak me out like that again? on the bright side, i get to have another ultrasound in a month and i'm going to demand a picture.

but until then, here's just another picture of me. in a non-maternity dress. and non-maternity leggings. HOLLER. oh, and i braved a belt! stripes make me look more pregnant. luckily everything i own is basically stripes. also we had a blizzard also i wore a real coat just not for pictures. in other news:
/we both had baby dreams over thanksgiving break. in both our dreams: GIRL. hahaha in mine evan had the ultrasound and she was wearing a tutu. in evan's she had a full head of hair and wore a bow.
/evan was being rude and told me i was going to have a 16 pound baby. so i didn't talk to him for like 5 minutes.
/all i want is to be alone. alone with evan. i have this weird thing going on where i cannot go out and i do not want to go out and i do not want to be around other people. i mean, i want to be around my friends but i'm like, i just want to be alone. which, apparently, is super rude of me. but you try and cook a baby inside of your body for a few months and see how friendly and inviting you are!
/i went to bed at 8:00 on monday night. and evan left this gem on my facebook for me to find the next day and bawl my eyes out because can you even?

you cannot. he is too sweet. minus when he tells me the kid is going to be 16 pounds. but this totally makes up for that. and pregnancy did kick my butt. minor melt downs over whether evan should pick up groceries or come home and pick me up? what is that even? that is early bed time and like 11 hours of straight sleep.

thanksgiving 003

see previous posts here and here.

[especially after freezing cold.]

 [okay because of the egg. i thought i couldn't have it! but you caaaaan! as long as it's pasteurized!]

[you know the kind.]

 [i crocheted, played a million games of phase 10 against evan and ate all my my parent's food. perfect.]

[we finally have more nights off together. i was going crazy without him. so we celebrated with pizza and champagne except it was actually sparkling cider.]

 [mini christmas trees? i mean really.]

[just, duh.]

happy merry thanksgiving. i hope every who celebrated had a warm and wonderful and full day with family and friends. we ate way too much (two pieces of pumpkin pie? the calories didn't count. especially in that heaping spoonful of homemade whipped cream.) and my mom fried a turkey and didn't kill anyone or blow anything up. so i'm thankful for that.

twenty one

this week is week 21. i can't freaking believe i'm now OVER halfway there. how does that even happen?

here's what's going on:

/i have this super obnoxious/gross gag reflex problem. sometimes when i burp i instantly feel like something is stuck in my throat and i'm about to puke. nothing is stuck in my throat and i never puke. but it is gross. it doesn't happen every day but it happens enough. i'll file this under: the things people don't tell you about being pregnant. i'm looking at YOU, pregnant slash mom friends.

/i have almost lost my belly button. i bet that within a week (or by friday because THANKSGIVING) i will have an outtie. just please. i'm supposed to go 18+ weeks with an outtie? i'm going to tape it down.

/ligament pain is the worst ever. also back pain. because my front is not proportional to my back and that pisses my back right off apparently.

/today i was dropping some stuff off at my coworker's desk she looked at me and said, "are you pregnant?" i was pretty sure at this point everyone knew but apparently not. so, what if i wasn't? is that something you say to someone? i think not. in other news, i'm super excited for the comments and advise and touching from complete strangers. no i'm not.

/i've done three things to prepare for baby.
1) started the baby blanket. it's going to probably take me up to my actual due date. so. good thing i started now. i stole the pattern off of pinterest but i didn't think it through and so i had to quickly revamp it. it's also black and white which i realize may be absolutely stupid, but i don't even care.

2) ordered the curtains. uh, they're the cutest curtains i've ever seen. i almost bought just some white ones from kohls because they were on super sale but i didn't love them so evan convinced me to wait. and i was surfing through ikea's website (which is SO stupid because you can't order anything from there anyway) and i found the most adorable curtains AND THEY WERE WEBSITE ORDER-ABLE. hallelujah. and they just arrived and i'm in all kinds of love with them.

3) started cleaning out the mess of the nursery. it was once my craft graveyard room slash catch all. and now it's going to be the nursery but i highly doubt the baby will enjoy sharing a room with my crap. plus the room is yellow and i think that's one of the reasons why i hate it. and chevron stripes that evan painstakingly painted for me. because i'm a child. and he loves me. we also found ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS in itunes gift cards. how do you even?!

/the baby and i had a discussion the other day about its due date. there are certain acceptable days on which it can be born. and i told the child i will lay up.side.down all day long to keep it in. but i'm hoping for an easter baby (by the way, why is easter so early this year? unfair.) or at least march. if this child has learned anything in the past 21 weeks from listening to me and my thoughts, it's that listening to me is best and/or i always get my way. my official due date, currently, is march 30. so that's perfect. my friend erin already has my list of labor inducing tricks ready because i'm not messing around over here.

/have you heard the song "home" by phillip phillips? i had a major breakdown a few weeks ago and this song was stuck in my head all day. so i came home and went to bed and then evan came home and turned on pandora and guess what song was on? home. typically that happens a lot in my life. anyway. it has become sort of my favorite song because of the words and because of what was going on and because of how evan responded and now it is on the radio every. single. day. at 5:00 on one of our radio stations. so i crank it and the baby and i jam out on our way home from work.

i am just so thrilled in these pictures, i know. also i don't know what's happening with my bangs. i have wings. just great. prenatal vitamins are really great for your hair. because when did my hair get so long? if my hair falls out after the baby is born (which is something my pregnant slash mom friends DID tell me about) i'm going to be very mad and i'll also buy a blonde wig because i've always wanted to be blonde.

happy birthday, house!

we've been here one whole year! an entire year of owning our first home together: of being the boss of what we do and how we do it, the boss of saving money to demolish our grandma bathroom, the boss of googling how to fix it [and the boss of sometimes just shutting the door and ignoring it].

this is the house with the neighbors who brought us a house warming pie, and the other neighbors whom we love, with the ellie, the german shepherd puppy and the son who plays target practice with a bow and arrow in their driveway.

this is the house where i had a little bit too much fun on several occasions, but always with wine and my best friends.

this is the house where we spent our second married christmas, when evan convinced me to go against my very nature/every childhood teaching and open all of our presents on christmas eve [because he could.not.wait for that signed bears jersey he didn't know he was getting].

this is the house where my father and brother helped us install our garage door opener and made things infinitely more difficult than necessary. and then 6 months later did the same thing to our roof. but now we have a working garage door and a brand new roof (and look how pretty it is).

this is the house where we had three valentines days in a row, where we celebrated our love three different ways because it was a big year for us.

this is the house where evan prayed over me while we waiting those three grueling minutes for a tiny little stick to turn blue.

this is the house where i fell more in love with my husband every single day.

this is the house where i started a secret list titled, "never doubt the love of a man who..." that is full of the craziest and most romantic and truly beautiful things that evan has done for me that scream "i love you."  

this is the house that taught me who is worth keeping around and who isn't. emphasis on the "isn't."

this is the house where i learned how to eat raw sushi and then had to promptly stop eating raw sushi.

this is the house that is 75 times too big for the two of us. so we fixed that.

this is the house where i beat evan for the first time in a game of risk.

this is the house with the underground sprinkler system and a dry well. THUMBS UP.

this is the house with the fridge covered in our favorite memories. and the walls full of our pictures. and a messy table and breakfast bar because we live here. and a to-do list longer than a dictionary. and a glitter painted fireplace. and a pink and green and maroon (BARF) bathroom with only one outlet (BARF, again). and plenty of memories that make me laugh until tears stream down my face. and plenty of memories that aren't funny but still make tears stream down my face.

house, get ready for year two. it's going to have lots of babies and probably some more tears and a lot more laughs and definitely a lot of dust from our first demolition project. i promise to plant more flowers and pound more holes into your walls for all of my pictures and make a new wreath and cook more and be more on top of the laundry.

 and i promise to keep you full of people that make this place a home.

thanksgiving 002

see part 1 here.

[foot massage and a facial.]

[from the warmth of my car.]

[layerslayerslayers.]

[sorry/not sorry for this repost. I'M EXCITED. and slash evan took a million pictures of me but i look 843 months pregnant in some of them which is not true. these are the only good ones. hence, twice.]

[except not thankful for being sick. but thankful for a free day off work.]

[baby blanket. PRIORITIES. also, it's going to be awesome.]

[from our weekend blizzard. biggest flakes ever.]

twenty!

twenty twenty twenty twenty weeks! halfway there! what the what what?! is what i think about that.

i'm still only feeling sporadic flutters and i'm getting very impatient over here to feel that first kick. i've been having horrible, horrible ligament pain on my left side and at our last appointment the baby was literally not even in my belly. it was like in my left side. she put the heart beat monitor sooo far over. i'm like oh. that is why my side hurts probably.

and i've been keeping track of all my cravings (which are the most random ever) and i had my very first gross craving last week: a bean burrito with sour cream. i HATE beans. beans are so gross. especially fast food beans. but omg i wanted one SO bad. evan was like, you are not going to like that so i refuse to get that for you. so i did not have one and the craving went away but maybe i'm still interested in trying one. i will probably hate it.

oh and it snowed. it snowed for an entire night and most of the next day and now we have like 6 inches of snow. it is cold. too cold. i like when it's snowing but then it stops and i'm like, ew. but that has nothing to do with being twenty weeks. except that my coat no longer fits and that is a large problem. my current solution will probably be to steal one of evan's until i decide how to approach this situation. i've heard that being pregnant is supposed to keep you warm and that is NOT true. i'm freezing always. i'm just debunking the world's greatest pregnancy myths over here, don't mind me.

i am laughing so hard at how this like the same picture as up there ^^^. HAHAH. except for belts are also known as the 4th stage of hell right now because my lungs and stomach are too compressed to have anything more compress them. so thank goodness for sheath dresses with no waists. because i can be as fat as i want in this dress. i'm sure that anthro really wants to hear that "this is my fat dress" about one of their dresses. so no one tell them. and then everyone go tell evan to buy me the hedgehog measuring cups because CAN YOU JUST? you can't. they're too perfect.

thanksgiving 001

stealing this idea from here.

i'm participating in the thirty days of thankfulness hashtag on IG because i need to be more thankful and gracious and humbled by the little things around me. and i need to not just post pictures of pretty things, but really, really find good things that bless me.

so here's my list 01/01--01/07:

[talking before sleep is my favorite part of the day.] 

 [this verse, amazing. but the entire chapter, really.]

[broccoli cheese, from scratch.]

 [the night circus//something, i have no idea.]

 [you have no idea how hard it is to take blurry pictures with the iphone.]

 [and our falls. and our wide open spaces.]

 [this hottie hot face. he's just too perfect. and we only have 2 lunch dates left before another schedule change that will free up 3 weeknights (praise the lord and pass the ammunition!) so that i actually see him for more than 4 hours monday through sunday. still mourning our lunch dates because i love them. also the beard returns but i'm so loving this scruff phase right now!]

sunset chasing

because sometimes you just need to chase the sun as it lights the sky on fire before it dips into the earth, and nothing more.

halloween

this was our very first ever married halloween. i know that's confusing since we've been married for like 2.5 years but normally on this date we're returning from ethiopia (sad face) and so we never have had a halloween together. so we went all out this year.  and by that i mean carved pumpkins and dressed up for the party our church held.

we carved pumpkins 2 weeks ago and they're still holding up. i love them. and we got about a billion seeds out of them and roasted those bad boys up. it was evan's first time carving a pumpkin and my first time roasting seeds so it was all around just new and exciting. evan butchered the top of his and cussed it out about 40 times and i broke poor jack's tooth because my pumpkin was like 5 feet thick and the little saws in our pumpkin carving kit were just not long enough.

good times were had by all.

mine is jack (hand drawn because i'm amazing. just kidding, but seriously.) and evan's is a wolf. he even did the teeth! not bad for a baby pumpkin carver!!!


and! our church did a fun little candy run open house so that kids didn't have to be outside in the cold. different departments themed up an area and then dressed up and it. was. amazing. they turned the atrium into new york for the avengers and had a million other stations for kids to walk through and get 80 pounds of candy because that is what you do on halloween and you better believe i'm going to exploit my children's adorableness for free candy. OBVS.

evan's department chose toy story as their theme and evan was buzz and i was jesse. we handed out candy to 2,500 kids and i stood on my poor, poor feeties for 5 hours and died dead in my bed for a solid 7 hours of sleep that was not interrupted ONE TIME by a potty break.

but the room was AMAZING. they built giganto room furniture (the bed, dresser and bookcase) and then had t-rex, the etch-a-sketch and the slinky dog as props and every. child. lost their ever. loving. minds in our room. because right before our room was the scary star wars room and some life size jabba the hut creature being all scary for little babes. so we were all kid-friendly and junk.

apparently 5 people have seen toy story 2 and 3 because i was called woody about 900 thousand times last night. PEOPLE: GIRL. YELLOW BOW. RED HAT. everyone was all, "there's woody and buzz!!!!" which makes sense except for that i'm jessie.

and do you just love my outfit? that's evan's shirt, so it's huge on me, it's all awkward in the front and evan's mom apparently didn't know to be like, "HEYGIRLHEY you look like you have 6 alien babies in there, fix yourself." and so this is what i look like. this is also at the end of the night and i am just thrilled to be on my feet IN MY DAD'S COWBOY BOOTS for pete's sake (i'm a montana girl through and through and i don't even own my own pair of boots. girl, please. the only boots i ever owned were these white sparkly fringy ones that i luuuuuuhved to death.). he has small baby man feet at least and so i just wore a pair of extra thick socks and then they were only like 2 sizes too big. but they were the most uncomfortable shoes i have ever put my feet into. except for that i love them and would totally steal them. if they were my size and comfy and all that jazz. (uh, my feet didn't even reach the pointy part. slightly too large for my baby feets.)

lastly, let's not talk about the fact that evan SHAVED.OFF.HIS.BEARD. i'm so angry i could just kick something. i'm even more angry that he refuses to straight edge it so he has this homeless man five o'clock shadow thing. he's all, "it'll grow back." and i'm all, "fine. let's see how long i can grow my leg hair then."

and i ate candy yesterday like i hadn't had a piece of candy in 4 months. which is true because i pretty much haven't. sugar and sweets sound horrible to me but yesterday our clerks loaded my desk up with candy for our work trick-or-treaters and i ate like half the pile before any children even arrived. then i had like 50 pieces at night because they had yummy things like dots and twizzlers and laffy taffy and that was more sugar than i've had in a long, long while and i'm shocked i didn't puke. (because if i can't handle waffles with maple syrup how am i going to handle a few bite sized pieces of candy?) apparently i'm fine except for the fact that i hate all candy once again so apparently the baby was just as excited for halloween candy as i was. thank you, baby.

ps. i'm already dreaming up adorable baby costumes for next year. baby is going to be the cutest little thing, ya'll are going to just puke.