four months//dear maddox

Dear Maddox,

Oh me, oh my. How in the world are you four months already?! I can't believe it. Pretty much since the day after your three month birthday, your dad has been calling you four months. I had to remind him that you were only three months and to slow down, slow down, slow down.

This baby stage is so much fun. YOU are so much fun. You are so alert and so expressive. You mimic and you watch and you comprehend. You are taking everything in from our faces and our expressions to where we are at all times to everything around you. You watch animals and you love your puppy. You love little kids and you could stare at them for hours and hours. You have a big personality and you're showing it to us every single day. You and I are really getting to know each other, spending all this one-on-one time together. I couldn't ask for anything better.

I remember when you were born, that first night when you cried and cried and pushed yourself off of me, crawling up my stomach and past my chest and onto my shoulder. I thought you were in pain, the way you cried out so fiercely. I remembered reading somewhere that parents could understand their child's needs based on their cry and I was so overwhelmed in that moment, knowing you were upset but being unable to do anything to fulfill your needs. But now? Now I'm a pro. I know each cry and how to pacify you. I know when you're hungry verse when you're tired. I know when you're bored and want to move around and be entertained. It amazes me how much can be communicated without words and how much I've learned about you in just a few short months. And it's not overwhelming anymore.

A few weeks ago you grew out of being swaddled and sleeping in your rock 'n play. It happened in a snap and we didn't see it coming at all. You now prefer to sleep on a flat surface, on your back, with your hands above your head. You also can't fall asleep unless you're covering your face with a blanket. It's terrifying. I let you fall asleep and then I take the blanket away. This doesn't surprise me one bit because I usually sleep with my arm flung over my eyes. And also I like it dark when I'm sleeping. You must like that, too.

You've changed so much in a few months and it's so much fun to watch your personality develop. You interact with us and act like a tiny little human now, rather than a sleepy little baby.

One of your favorite things is peek-a-boo. We discovered it on that five-hour-long road trip we took last weekend. Evan hung his head and closed his eyes and then popped up and said, "Boo!" and you giggled and laughed and squawked as he repeated this game over and over again.

With this whole growing up thing, you also decided that that petite little baby cry just wouldn't do. You now have this horrible, horrible cry that makes me want to cry. You scream and yell at the top of your lungs until you're being held or fed or whatever it is that you want. It breaks my heart and I can't stand to see you so upset. It sounds like a baby piglet screeching and we can just go ahead and keep that noise between us.

You are the best baby, maddox. We are so blessed by how easy you are. We took you to a funeral earlier this week and you sat on your daddy's lap and didn't make a peep through the entire hour-and-a-half long service. You're just easy and laid back. I wouldn't call you mellow, but you don't cry unless you're hungry or wet or absolutely exhausted. We've been super blessed, that's for sure.

Being outside is your absolute most favorite thing. For a few weeks straight your daddy and I ate every meal on the table outside with you in the bouncy chair on top of the table. Being outside was the only way you'd let us put you down while we ate but we took it and didn't complain. I don't know how we're going to get through this winter, kid. Hopefully it's a mild one.

I took you swimming with your cousin this week. By swimming I mostly mean I held you in the kiddie pool while Hason splashed and kicked and got water in your face and upset you. You were the one in the pool and I still think I was wetter than you. You were a fan, though. It was all the things you love grouped into one: bath time and being outside. I think if your face had not gotten wet, we would have been golden.

You are growing up so much, so fast. You also can roll from back to side and you have rolled from front to back a few times. You grunt and growl and "talk" and I'm half expecting you to just answer me in that adorable little voice you already have. You mimic all of the noises we make and will hold a conversation with us in coos and grunts. You already say "mama" and "MIIIIM" when you're really, really upset. (Your daddy says it's just a noise, but let's be honest. We know you've already said your first word!) You have a real laugh now, too. It's absolutely the greatest laugh I've ever heard. And such a real laugh, too. You laughed for the first time on our anniversary when your daddy was tickling your tummy. It's a certain spot that gets it every time, right next to your armpits but once you get going, everything makes you laugh.

I adore you and your silliness. I love your sweet personality that's showing through. I love your cuddles and bubbles and smiles. I love that dimple and the way you act shy sometimes. I love how you hold my fingers when you're sitting on my lap and pull at my arm hair. I love how you can find me in a room just by my voice and how upset you get when you're left alone. I love your bright blue eyes and those long lashes. I love every last thing about you. You are absolutely perfect. I adore you, I adore you, I adore you.

Love,
Mama

the weekend

this weekend we took a little mini roadtrip to the farm to have a little mini family reunion. it was maddox's first time meeting my family and his first time to the farm.

 (evan took that picture and there is no filter on it. skys that blue, fields that green.)

that place holds a special place in my heart because going to grandpa and grandma's was something we did every summer. it's where i learned to drive a car and it's where i drove for the first time (sitting on my parents lap "steering" until i was big enough to see over the steering wheel and old enough for them to yell at me for going over 30 mph and for taking turns too fast). it's where i later learned how to drive a stick shift in a truck on a dirt road. it's where i watched my uncles milk the cows and where i washed their dirty hooves because i felt bad for the cows. it's where i threw pieces of cement at the bull because i thought it was ugly. (i was like 6, okay? calm down, PETA.) it's where we watched jay leno every single night on the teeny tiny, rabbit-eared TV, because i secretly think my grandma was in love with him. it's where i ate my weight in sunflower seeds every summer and piled the shells on a napkin on the plastic tablecloth. it's the only place in the world where i enjoyed mowing the lawn because riding lawn mowers and eight-year-olds. it's where we ate puffed rice cereal and shredded wheat with cups and cups of sugar poured on top. it's where i rode on horses and in tractors. it's where my cousin shot me in the leg with a BB gun and my brother shot me in the hair with a bottle rocket. it's where my cousin and i found my grandma's diamond wedding ring and my grandpa's dentures while we were burning garbage. it's where my cousin and i raced through life to see who is taller (i was in the lead for a great long while but he eventually won).

so we took along the baby and introduced him to my childhood. i mean, minus almost all of that. we make our own memories now that consist of a lot of porch hangs and fly swatting and mosquito killing and beer drinking and food snacking and picture taking. and maddox flirted with everyone and charmed his way right into everyone's hearts. he took a gigantic nap on my shoulder for a good long while and that was amazing because he never does that anymore. so we cuddled in the unbearable heat and it was totally worth it.

i can't wait for maddox to make memories with his cousins and his grandparents and to have silly memories like bringing along jugs of water because you think the water tastes like salt. or playing "don't wake daddy" with your cousins. or getting locked in the closet and probably almost kicking the door down. or jumping on the trampoline for an entire week. or catching bull snakes. or being afraid of the dog tied on the flag pole. or playing in the loft in the hay bales. or letting the calves suck on your fingers. or being bucked off the horse in the garden. or the bags of curly fries in the freezer. or the box of nutty bars in the freezer. or roller blading in the basement around the metal poles. or playing pool and smashing your fingers too many times. or the only spot on the cement sidewalk that gets cell phone service. or the smell of the garage that brings you right back to all of this.

i love that place.

ramblings about my weekend for your monday morning pleasure

sundays are the best kind of days for being lazy. especially when your saturdays are spent child-proofing your home for your husband and his guy friends to demolish your house with their 20 ounce steaks (what even?! that's like half a cow) and lawn games, holding an upset baby and going out to the loudest bars for a bridal party slash bachelorette shindig for one of your dearest, sweetest friends.

[do i look really, really ridiculously tan? it's because i am. thanks. also, that dress? target. it's my new favorite. i had to buy a black dress last-minute and i tried on every single black dress that i could find, in three different stores. here's a fun fact about me: i get stuck in clothes. it could be a t shirt and i am all, "evaaaaan? can you help me?" i cannot try on clothes in stores that have separate dressing rooms for boys and girls because first of all, this isn't kindergarten; and second, i get stuck in anything and everything and 99% of the time i need evan's help to untangle myself. so yes. i got stuck at least 5 times and maddox was sleeping of course and of absolutely no help, whatsoever. so i took lots of deep breaths and wiggled my way out of 300 different dresses and spent entirely too much of my day searching for the perfect black dress. but i found it. and i love it. except for it would be 350% cuter if it had pockets.]

that constitutes an excuse for a lazy sunday if i ever heard one.

if you need more of an excuse than that: evan and i stayed up until the ungodly hour of three am talking. (THREE. A. M. WHO. ARE. WE.)


so sunday was spent in my favorite t shirt and evan's sweats (for me) and a diaper (for maddox). we laid on the couch for the entire day (after peeling ourselves out of bed at 11 am. [again i say, WHO ARE WE?]) and caught up on our guilty pleasure TV while getting foot massages and making the baby laugh. because you guys. he has a legitimate laugh now. it's adorable. and he did it for the first time on our anniversary. happy anniversary to us, from maddox.

i left the couch for a split second to whip up some peaches and cream because summer and to change SIX poopy diapers. i found the reason for the crying, you guys. found it. evan left the couch to feed me too much junk food like hawaiian pizza (which is my new obsession) and to make me 30 pots of hot tea because talk shouting at your friends in very loud bars and restaurants equals sore throats and no voices and requires a metric shhhhhhht ton of peppermint tea.

and we all wound up in bed by like 9 pm because we decided to come back to the real world of responsibilities and junk, just in time for monday morning.

ten things

this is us:

ten things about being married to your best friend off the top of my head (and the bottom of my heart):

1. we have the best talks in bed. this is also a source of frustration for us. evan is a "get into bed and go to sleep," kind of guy. i am a "get into bed and chat for an hour to wind down," kind of girl. but when he can stay awake, we have the best talks and the most laughs.

2. we have some serious husband-wife telepathy. one time, evan left for the gym at like 6 am and i woke up around 7, desperately craving a doughnut (pregnancy problems) and i telepathically asked evan to bring one home. HE DID. it happens all the time. we are the same person sometimes.

3. we are the best team always. we have a system for everything from dishes to yard work to cooking to feeding and changing maddox. life is so much easier when you have a partner.

4. we make cute kids.

5. built-in best friend. i never have to wonder who will take me shopping or to dinner or build all my pinterest projects or buy me all of the things.

6.  there is always someone around to laugh at your jokes. (a second someone, because let's be honest, i laugh at my own jokes.) and there's always someone to make jokes because evan is hilarious.

7. there's always someone there to do your hair when you just don't feel like it. (yes. evan sometimes does my hair.)

8. if you leave the dishes or the laundry or the vacuuming or the sweeping or moth killing or the lawn mowing or whatever else annoying chore undid long enough, someone else will usually get sick of it and just do it.

9. you always have someone to rejoice with you in your triumphs, no matter how little.

10. you never, ever, ever have to go to sleep alone.

what we've learned

LISTEN TO THIS STORY:

last night i was going through my blog, getting ready to write an anniversary post because it's our anniversary? no. it's not. stop lying.

i got to our post from last year and saw a picture of a cake. and immediately i remember that i was supposed to order our cake. "supposed to" because that's what i do. is take care of little details that mean the most. AND I REALIZED I FORGOT. i was freaking T.O.'d. (can you imagine if you couldn't speak english and you saw that? ha. ha. ha.) i called evan, freaking out, about in tears (because CAKE.) and he's like, "baaaaaaaabe!" all sad and junk. and i was like, "i know." in the best pouty voice i have. and i told him to NOT go buy a box cake because i don't want that shiz. wedding anniversaries equal bakery cake. and he said, "are you going to be depressed about it all night?" duh, evan. CAKE. and he said, "what if i told you i already ordered one? i was going to surprise you with it but i don't want you to be upset."

YOU. GUYS. he's the best.

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year three. how wild. i don't know how time does it, this speedy-up thing where the days suddenly fly by. i did not wake up three years ago on this day and expect three years to come up so quickly. i think it also doesn't help that now i have the minutes and seconds ticking by in front of my face in the shape of this tiny little human who is growing up in front of my eyes (even though that's a lie, you can't see it. i don't get time. i don't get it at all.). but three years. in the blink of an eye, it feels like. so here are some of the things we learned from our third year of wedded bliss (see year two here)

/we learned how to cook!

/kinda.

/larissa refuses to use measurements and changes the recipe every time.

/evan follows the recipe to the T and refuses to team cook when recipes are involved.

/larissa taught evan how to change a diaper.

/evan taught larissa how to get a onesie over the baby's face.

/we have a shower war where the person not showering turns the hot water off so the shower blasts the shower-er with freezing cold water.

/evan is ridiculously good at this game.

/larissa sucks at this game.

/we fell more in love with beer during year two.

/then larissa had to give it up for year three.

/and evan kind of gave it up, too.

/moral support.

/we act like three-year-olds sometimes.

/larissa head butts evan's chest.

/evan tackles larissa to the ground.

/evan got rid of his beard for one minute.

/larissa lost her ever-loving mind.

/evan spoiled larissa rotten with homemade breakfasts and lattes and chocolate cake.

/larissa is spoiled.

/larissa's favorite food in the whole wide world is blueberry muffins (with raw sug. who am i?!).

/evan fuels this addiction entirely too much.

/we don't know how to say no.

/we are people pleasers.

/we're working on those last two.

a series of unfortunate events

do you know what the absolute worst part about summer is? not the fact that it's almost 100 degrees here all week and our A/C equals one window fan in our bedroom and our basement. a basement is not a suitable substitute for A/C, ya'll.

no. the worst part about summer is the moths. what is the purpose of these creatures anyway? there are approximately 9142850423 other bug species for birds to feed on. i think they'll survive if we take one away.

every night evan and i go on a moth murder spree in our home. and heaven help us if we come home after dark because fifty billion moths attack our garage light and we have to bat them away as we try and wrangle the car seat out of the car and make it inside without letting one (or 50) of those vile creatures into our house. and then we have to spend 45 minutes killing all the moths because the second you think you've got them all, four more materialize out of thin air. they're basically the equivalent of that dragon monster thing with the heads in hercules.

here's something you should know about me: i'm terrified of flyswatters. i have this irrational fear that the germs from the previous bugs you smashed with that thing, multiply and creep down the handle. so, every time you swing that thing through the air, bug guts and germs and disease goes flying through your house. i have to put all food and drink away before i can kill a bug with that thing. and evan just acts like it ain't no thang and whips that thing around infecting every surface of our home with dead flies and moths. ew. just, ew.

i'm getting so distracted.

LAST NIGHT. last night i got up to get a drink of water and FIVE moths were flittering around my dining room light. flittering is probably not a correct description as they were more or less head butting my light bulb and making that god-awful noise moths make when they ram their beady little brainless heads against a hot light. (by the way, how does this not kill them? they are demon spawn.)

so i got out the disgusting flyswatter and basically did my best psycho impression on that family of moths. in the process i broke my dining room light and managed to smear moth dust on my ceiling, of which i am not tall enough to reach to clean and climbing a ladder is a whole different fear we can talk about tomorrow.

i slayed them all and was going to just leave their furry little bodies on the ground for evan because as this was happening and i was screaming each time a moth dive-bombed my face, he was laying in bed laughing at me. so i was going to leave them as a present. because that's how nice i can be sometimes.

but i decided to sweep them up because what would probably happen is i would get up again for another glass of water and i would step on one or five of their little furry dusty bodies and that's just gross. so i cleaned them up. i also like to let them suffer (like the other day one idiot flew into my water glass so i let it drown.) so i watched the antenna twitch on one and thought that was the only semi-alive one.

I. WAS. WRONG.

when i scooped it into the dustpan i flipped it from it's back to it's front and it was all, "hey, JK! i'm alive! thanks for putting me right-side-up so i can ruin your life some more!" so i threw it in the trash real quick and slammed the lid. it was definitely going to get poisoned by the raw chicken juice in my trash and die and violent death.

BUT THEN. i turned out to be an idiot. i saw a piece of paper on the ground next to the trash can. A PIECE OF FLIPPING PAPER. i picked it up and opened the trash can and out flew that dang trickster moth. of course it couldn't just fly out and go on its merry little way only to be struck down in a few hours by spontaneous cardiac arrest from my earlier swat. no. it had to fly right into my hand and hang out for at least a second, getting it's gross moth dust all over me.

then i went to the bathroom before going back to bed and i felt a little something something on my arm. i thought it was the moth and if i carried the moth on my arm from my kitchen to my bathroom i was going to flip. out. but no. it was worse. it was a spider. a spider on my arm. so i screamed. evan came running (good to know i have to scream like 64 times before he'll check on me) but i was essentially fine. i mean, if you count curling into the fetal position in the corner, "fine." what's the worst though is that i couldn't find the spider after i knocked it off me. and where the heckfire did it come from anyway?

i've successfully discussed three of my biggest fears in this post. but really, you can't categorize my fears because they're all irrational and ridiculous and equally as terrifying.

evan thinks it's "cool" to catch moths in his hands and then kill them. i do not. what's also not cool is the fact that the tiny space between my glass front door and my wood front door is home to about 50 bajillion moths and you can't go in or out without being assaulted. i need to perform a moth exorcism on my house.

did you also know that you can be allergic to moths? well you can and i am.

and here's an adorable picture of maddox so you can think about him instead of those gross moths. it's like watching a scary movie before bed. except this is real life. so: cute baby who loves his hands but has to use both to suck on just one. adorable.