four months//dear maddox

Dear Maddox,

Oh me, oh my. How in the world are you four months already?! I can't believe it. Pretty much since the day after your three month birthday, your dad has been calling you four months. I had to remind him that you were only three months and to slow down, slow down, slow down.

This baby stage is so much fun. YOU are so much fun. You are so alert and so expressive. You mimic and you watch and you comprehend. You are taking everything in from our faces and our expressions to where we are at all times to everything around you. You watch animals and you love your puppy. You love little kids and you could stare at them for hours and hours. You have a big personality and you're showing it to us every single day. You and I are really getting to know each other, spending all this one-on-one time together. I couldn't ask for anything better.

I remember when you were born, that first night when you cried and cried and pushed yourself off of me, crawling up my stomach and past my chest and onto my shoulder. I thought you were in pain, the way you cried out so fiercely. I remembered reading somewhere that parents could understand their child's needs based on their cry and I was so overwhelmed in that moment, knowing you were upset but being unable to do anything to fulfill your needs. But now? Now I'm a pro. I know each cry and how to pacify you. I know when you're hungry verse when you're tired. I know when you're bored and want to move around and be entertained. It amazes me how much can be communicated without words and how much I've learned about you in just a few short months. And it's not overwhelming anymore.

A few weeks ago you grew out of being swaddled and sleeping in your rock 'n play. It happened in a snap and we didn't see it coming at all. You now prefer to sleep on a flat surface, on your back, with your hands above your head. You also can't fall asleep unless you're covering your face with a blanket. It's terrifying. I let you fall asleep and then I take the blanket away. This doesn't surprise me one bit because I usually sleep with my arm flung over my eyes. And also I like it dark when I'm sleeping. You must like that, too.

You've changed so much in a few months and it's so much fun to watch your personality develop. You interact with us and act like a tiny little human now, rather than a sleepy little baby.

One of your favorite things is peek-a-boo. We discovered it on that five-hour-long road trip we took last weekend. Evan hung his head and closed his eyes and then popped up and said, "Boo!" and you giggled and laughed and squawked as he repeated this game over and over again.

With this whole growing up thing, you also decided that that petite little baby cry just wouldn't do. You now have this horrible, horrible cry that makes me want to cry. You scream and yell at the top of your lungs until you're being held or fed or whatever it is that you want. It breaks my heart and I can't stand to see you so upset. It sounds like a baby piglet screeching and we can just go ahead and keep that noise between us.

You are the best baby, maddox. We are so blessed by how easy you are. We took you to a funeral earlier this week and you sat on your daddy's lap and didn't make a peep through the entire hour-and-a-half long service. You're just easy and laid back. I wouldn't call you mellow, but you don't cry unless you're hungry or wet or absolutely exhausted. We've been super blessed, that's for sure.

Being outside is your absolute most favorite thing. For a few weeks straight your daddy and I ate every meal on the table outside with you in the bouncy chair on top of the table. Being outside was the only way you'd let us put you down while we ate but we took it and didn't complain. I don't know how we're going to get through this winter, kid. Hopefully it's a mild one.

I took you swimming with your cousin this week. By swimming I mostly mean I held you in the kiddie pool while Hason splashed and kicked and got water in your face and upset you. You were the one in the pool and I still think I was wetter than you. You were a fan, though. It was all the things you love grouped into one: bath time and being outside. I think if your face had not gotten wet, we would have been golden.

You are growing up so much, so fast. You also can roll from back to side and you have rolled from front to back a few times. You grunt and growl and "talk" and I'm half expecting you to just answer me in that adorable little voice you already have. You mimic all of the noises we make and will hold a conversation with us in coos and grunts. You already say "mama" and "MIIIIM" when you're really, really upset. (Your daddy says it's just a noise, but let's be honest. We know you've already said your first word!) You have a real laugh now, too. It's absolutely the greatest laugh I've ever heard. And such a real laugh, too. You laughed for the first time on our anniversary when your daddy was tickling your tummy. It's a certain spot that gets it every time, right next to your armpits but once you get going, everything makes you laugh.

I adore you and your silliness. I love your sweet personality that's showing through. I love your cuddles and bubbles and smiles. I love that dimple and the way you act shy sometimes. I love how you hold my fingers when you're sitting on my lap and pull at my arm hair. I love how you can find me in a room just by my voice and how upset you get when you're left alone. I love your bright blue eyes and those long lashes. I love every last thing about you. You are absolutely perfect. I adore you, I adore you, I adore you.

Love,
Mama