three month photos

because putting 1543244 pictures of maddox in one post is unnecessary. here's some more from our three month photoshoot. the trick is to get him immediately after his tummy is full and his diaper is clean and he's had a bath. there's like a 5 minute window of tolerance before he's all, "PUT ME DOWN, WOMAN. IT IS MY NAPTIME."

let me just point out some things:
(1) curled toes. always & forever. i hope he never grows out of that. (2) chunky. baby. legs. just look at those rolls! (3) he is forever sucking on his hands these days. except it's mostly on his knuckles even though he does sometimes manage to shove his entire fist into his mouth. he has to use both hands for this activity because he can't seem to keep one hand in his mouth unless the other is holding it up there. (4) in almost every picture of his hands he's holding onto either the blanket or his onesie. always has to have something, anything (usually my hair) in his hands. (5) second to last picture? that face is for his daddy. i know. true love right there. (6) he can't actually sit up yet. that is a lie. [my brother hasn't seen him since he was 2 weeks because he decided to go live in NJ for the summer with his roommate "the situation." so i told him that he loves to stand and my brother asked, "does he pull himself up on the couch yet?" you guys. men's baby-timeline concepts are the most hilarious things ever.] [one time evan thought 240 diapers would last half a year. HA HA HA HA HA HAAA!] (7) thanks for putting up with my baby spam. (8) jk it's my blog. i do what i want.

three months//dear maddox

dear maddox,

well, here you are, three months old already. you've officially entered the "--months old" instead of "--weeks old" world. i was dreading that moment. but here it is. and if there's one thing that's been drilled into my head these past 3 months 12 weeks, it's that time hates me and also i hate it back.

i remember wishing that the newborn stage would last forever and ever amen because cuddling with you and holding you 24/7 was my very favorite. but each new stage we come upon is better than the last. i do miss those newborn cuddles, though. three months and you are already becoming independent. you like to be put down when you're sleeping. long gone are the days of sleeping on our shoulders, but i cherish the moments when you do fall asleep there as i rub your back and sing to you.

you're a character. you are. you love to laugh and smile at us and you're finding your sweet little voice and you tell us stories all day long. i love to soak up those little giggles and chatters. you're gonna be a talker, just like your daddy. my favorite noise you make is this little squawk. you scrunch up your arms and legs and hold your hands over your mouth in this coy and shy little way and give us the biggest smile we've ever seen. you now have two dimples, but the second one is so little and tiny. you're going to have the best laugh when it comes. but for now, these little giggles melt me into a puddle.

it has been so much fun to watch you change and grow. to see your little personality appear and to watch you be so much more aware of the people and happenings around you.

you have the deepest blue eyes. they're so gorgeous. those blues, they follow us everywhere. this morning your daddy and i brought your rock 'n play into the dining room while we ate breakfast. you were on the other side of the room chattering away and your daddy stood up and called to you and from across the room you recognized him and smiled that big, gummy smile and stared at him as he made his way to you. you are so aware now.

you're so aware and you've become a little mimicker. it started last month with your tongue when you'd stick it out at us until we'd stick ours back out at you. we'd play this game constantly and you love when we show you our tongues. but the first time we blew raspberries with our tongues, you gave us the most concerned face because what the heck was that?! and now you've started doing that, too. you can also make the "brrr" sound with your lips and love when we do that back to you.

the only sound you're not a fan of is sneezing. sneezes make you cry. especially if you're eating. you just don't like those sudden sounds.

it is so much fun to watch you hit these mini milestones. you've also learned that you can grab ahold of things. of course, you've been pulling my hair since day one (which by the way, is in full on postpartum hair loss mode so it no longer needs help falling out so you can stop pulling it out if you want) but now you hold your rattle and ball and most importantly, your lovie. you rub your eyes when you are tired, which is just about the cutest thing ever (who am i kidding, everything you do is the cutest ever). you get a bath every day now because you are a boy and sometimes you stink. you can't help it. i think you do it because bath time is your favorite in all the land. you still get baths in your little tub but you've learned the art of splashing and so my bathroom gets a good cleaning every single day. (i suppose i owe you a thank you for that.) we've taken you in the shower a couple of times but you're not too sure about that. plus also you're slippery and that's scary.

you have definitely welcomed us into parenthood with some pretty epic diaper blowouts. there was about a week straight where every poopy diaper resulted in a pretty clean diaper and a pretty messy boy slash outfit. that is definitely the opposite of how it should be. you defy the laws of gravity and physics with your diapers, kid. we have learned at that first sound to stand you up until you're finished. you squat and bend forward and stick your bottom out and it's pretty much the cutest grossest thing. at the same time.

dear baby, you are so loved. i am so thankful that we have so many people to surround us and you and love on you. i mean, your mama and daddy love you past the moon and the stars forever and ever and after, but do you know how many other people love you just as much?

right after your two month birthday your daddy and i packed up all of your newborn outfits. i lie. he packed them up and then i snuck into the box later on and pulled out a few that i wasn't quite done with. one was your going home outfit (it says best friends. i mean. you're my best friend. you had to wear it one more time.) and the other said "mommy loves me." so. you are much too long for new born clothes with feet. you were 24 inches long at your two month appointment, and according to your doctor, that puts you in the 90th percentile. which is no surprise to us because your daddy is 6 foot 3. but you're skinny so you still fit into everything newborn. (yes, still. even at three months. [hooray says the mom who isn't ready to have a 3 month old yet!])

people ask me all the time how being a mom is. i tell them how much i love it, how much i love spending my days with you and how blessed i am. because it's true. you hold my heart in your tiny little clenched fists (along with a few pieces of my hair probably) and i'm wrapped around your finger. you changed my world and i can't remember how life was without you. i'm so proud to be your mama and to do life with you in my arms.

i love you,
mama

ten things

this is me. standing on top of a glacier in a tank and chacos. because why not?

ten things about me off the top of my head:

1. i HATEEE, with all that is in me, runny yolks. i cannot think about them, look at them, watch people eat them, have anything to do with them. i'm not super picky about my food but i refuse to eat eggs cooked by anyone besides my mom or evan or myself because everyone else in this world thinks runny yolks are okay. (they're not.)

2. i also hate, with all that is in me, personalized license plates. whenever i see one i seriously want to go punch the person in the head and knock some sense into them. i saw a minivan today with the plate "4r4xldgs" or something like that and i was just like, girl please. you're not fooling anyone. you have 6 kids and plus no one in their right mind buys a minivan for their "dogs." who are "XL" because no one in their right mind has four "XL" dogs and puts them in a minivan. just, stop. however. i did see one that said "wutitiz" and i literally thought it said "woo titties" and i died laughing. it actually says, "what it is" which is also hilarious because sometimes i'm dyslexic and say that instead of, "what is it?" but still. just get the regular plate and stop it.

3. after working from home for the past few weeks, i will never, ever have a 9-5 job again. making my own schedule, working in my jams and doing whatever the hell i want is the best.

4. i'm scared of the weirdest things. for example: (1) touching the floor in a pool. i will seriously tread water for days so i don't have to touch it. (2) touching the walls in a shower. (3)  u-turns. i'm 150% positive i'm going to be t-boned. (4) spiders. i thought i was growing out of that a little but then evan's dad killed a spider with his hand and i gagged. so, guess not. (5) other people's things not being up to my cleanliness standards (they're not. i guarantee it.)

5. i'm a type-A personality to the core. control freak, time management freak, impatient, rigidly organized, etc. i mean, to the T.

6. i dislike movies. like, a lot. evan and the world will talk about some movie and i will be like "huh. never seen it." to literally every. single. movie. i will; however, watch 492103 straight hours of TV. and never get bored. so.

7. i used to love spicy food. i still want to love spicy food but being pregnant made milk spicy. (jk, i don't drink milk.) but i can't handle it anymore and it makes me so sad. i still pretend like it doesn't kill me when i squeeze half a bottle of sriracha on my food and my mouth dies a thousand deaths of heat.

8. i care entirely too much about what other people think of me.

9. i know this is a list about me but let me tell you some ridiculous quotes from my dad: (1) "i used to go to the baseball games and they'd sell beer for $.50 and i'd buy 72 of them and carry them back to my friends." (2) "tom brady is such a tool." -me "what's a tool?" -my dad (3) "we gotta clean up all this glass in the alley in case someone comes out here barefoot."

10. i had an allergic reaction to my c-section. my legs and back itched so bad for months. and still do. and also i have no self-control when it comes to itching and so i scratched the skin off my body. evan would have to tackle me and hold me down to make me stop. my doctor says it's nothing but i'm clearly allergic to everything in this world already, why not add "having babies" to the list?

traditions

we have this little tradition, maddox and i. we sit outside on the front porch and wait for evan to come home. it's the simplest thing, but it's one of my favorites.

i remember sitting at the bay window when i was a little girl and watching my parents come and go. in the winter my mom would throw snowballs at the window. in almost all the months, my dad rode his bike and he'd coast up the driveway into home.

i want maddox to always be excited when his daddy comes home. to know how special it is that his daddy works extra hard so that i can stay home with him, and to be extra excited to see him.

and so we sit and we wait. i kiss the top of his head a billion times and he holds all my fingers and sucks on his hand. we talk about the kitty and the puppy and the birds. we say hi to the neighbors and we wave to the kids on their bikes. but most importantly, we wait for this little man's papa to pull up.

evan told me that it was the best to see us out there waiting for him. and so i do it. whether it's a stressful day with too many diapers and spit ups and outfit changes. whether it's a morning after a sleepless night. whether it's a day without naps. whether i'm dressed or not. whether my hair is a nightmare and yesterday's makeup is streaked across my face. whether i'm showered or not. whether i'm wearing a bra or not. whether there are other things i need to get done or not. we sit outside and we wait. we spend a few (and sometimes a lot) of extra minutes being together and waiting for our favorite person.

we're making memories and traditions and favorite moments over here.
(and i could kiss the top of that head forever and ever amen.)

the weekend

this weekend we went on maddox's first roadtrip to evan's grandpa's 85th birthday bash. it was four hours away but 3-3.5 is the amount of hours maddox goes during the day between feedings. so i was a little nervous. i decided not to take any bottles and if we had to feed the babe, we'd feed him on the highway. um? yikes.

so we left right after we fed him to hopefully tide him over for a while. it did. we even stopped for an hour and ate lunch at a sandwich shop i've been craving since the beginning of my pregnancy (not allowed to eat lunch meat and all that junk). and it wasn't as good as i hoped. which always happens and is always a bummer.

but maddox slept the ENTIRE way. he is seriously the best baby.

also? every time we drive west, i fall in love with this state a little more. it's so perfect. just look at that sky!

we got into town and showed him off to a few of evan's family members and then when out for pizza where stupid pizza hut made me put maddox on the ground in his car seat. and i lost my mind and wrote them a nasty little note because don't.

anyway. maddox slept for like an hour the entire night. it was the worst. from a child who went from sleeping 6 or 7 hours a night............i thought i was going to die. it literally felt like he slept for a minute before he was screaming his head off to be fed. but THEN when i'd feed him, he'd fall asleep. then when i'd put him back in his bed, he'd freak out. it was a looooong night.

BUT. but we spent all of saturday outside playing with evan's bajillion cousins and eating too much food and cupcakes. which made our sweet baby boy exhausted and he slept for NINE (count 'em! NINE!) hours. STRAIGHT. what even?!! he fell asleep at 9pm and slept until 6. it was glorious!

we left for home on sunday and did not have as good of luck with our feeding schedule. we had to pull into a tiny little town's gas station/truck stop (ew) and i fed him. then he spit up all over me. because you know, why the heck not?

we came back on father's day so we had to spoil evan extra hard for being in the car most of the day. we had to miss church because we were out of town but evan and maddox got to do a father's day photoshoot for the service. and it was adorable. i died. they used one of the pictures in the middle of our lobby area to wish people a "happy father's day" and another rotated through as an "ad" on the screens. my favorite, though, was how many of our friends took a picture of our picture and sent it to us. they love us. but probably just maddox. because look:::

i. know.

first father's day

you guys.

evan as a dad makes my heart melt.

i remember the very first time he met our little ethiopian babe (rooza) and picked her up, flung her over his shoulder and carried her around while she screamed her little head off. and then all of the babies hung on his arms and jumped on him and loved when he'd throw them into the air and toss them around like rag dolls.

i knew then.

that he would be amazing as a father. that he would love on our kids in a hundred different ways. that he would toss them and catch them and give me 55 heart attacks every minute, but the smiles on their faces would make up for that. i knew that he'd sing and dance with them. i knew that he'd kiss their little faces and blow raspberries on their bellies and play peek a boo and hide and go seek and every single interaction would make my heart swell and burst.

i knew then when we volunteered during the special olympics. his gentle soul and his kind heart. i knew he'd be the perfect father.

and now we are there. this perfect little life we've been entrusted to watch after. it's funny because i had other plans. and now here we are, sitting on the couch and tickling maddox so he laughs and smiles and kills us with that dimple. here we are with a sackful of dirty diapers and tshirts covered in spit-up. here we are with tired bodies and no plans except to sit here and stare into these deep blue eyes forever and ever and after.

here we are.

i couldn't imagine a more perfect partner to share this life with. the one who makes my heart skip a beat. the one who sings to us. the one who provides for us. the one who loves us unconditionally (even when one of us [i won't name any names....] is being a total brat). the one who takes care of us. the one who has changed his life upside down and inside out because that's what being a parent is all about.

i have zero fears to face in this life because of this man who was created for me. he is my match. i hope that maddox grows up knowing how fiercely i love his father and i hope that he carries that with him into his relationships.

his shirt says "my dad is awesome" but holding a squirmy 12 pounder and simultaneously showing off his shirt is no easy task. i also know that he looks giganto in this picture. but let's still pretend that he's my little mini me. he's not my twin anymore and that makes me sad. he's also like 6 feet tall already. but apparently that's what happens when your dad is 6'3. also: my dad called me "daddy long legs" when i was growing up. this kid, he has it.

ten things

this is my best friend. my husband. the love of my life.

ten things about him off the top of my head:

1. i thought he was thee most annoying the first time i met him. we went putt-putt golfing and he was obnoxious and loud. and i wanted nothing to do with him for the first 6 months or so. his parents even once came to my job and said, "oh, you're larissa! you're the one that hates our son!" (kidding.....i think.)

2. evan really wanted a sports-worthy name for our baby. he kept suggesting names from the bears starting line-up or from this team or that and i would shoot them down. he totally snuck maddox by me because apparently it's the name of some 90's (?) braves baseball player. people say to us (a lot), "are you braves fans? we LOVE greg maddox!" cool, evan. cool. (i still love the name. next time, there will be research.) (and, in fact, we are braves fans.)

3. he sings. oh, my, does he ever. he sings me to sleep almost every night and his singing calms maddox instantly. i hope that maddox can sing, too. he also wants me to teach him how to play the piano and when he learns i'm probably going to die, it's going to be so HOT.

4. my dad used to think his name was "eric."

5. he asked me to marry him by tying my ring to a ring pop. i hate suckers. i would have never opened it if he had not said, "open it! it's a new flavor!" (it was cotton candy.) also: when i saw the ribbon on the end of the ring pop i thought that i had won something.

6. evan surprise cooks for me all the time. i love when he comes to wake me up and says, "get out of bed. we're eating breakfast together." and then there's a homemade tomato, spinach and mushroom omelet or homemade blueberry muffins or fresh fruit all ready for my hungry little self.

7.  we have gone to the same church since we were little kids. he's a grade behind me but we were friends with the same people, my best friend dated his best friend, we went to all the same church camps, his best friend was a hockey player and i was an ice skater and we grew up 3 blocks from each other. and we still didn't meet until my senior year of high school. destiny.

8. the amount of time that evan hasn't had facial hair throughout our relationship is like 3 minutes. he used to have just a goatee that he once shaved off and i didn't even notice. then he started growing a beard and i hated it so hard at first, but now i love it.

9. he eats the weirdest ish. like saltine crackers with cheddar cheese and miracle whip. what even?! (plus miracle whip? EW.) or chipped beef on toast. or soft boiled eggs with saltine crackers. and i'm all, "squeeze some lemon on my apple and pass me the lime salt for my watermelon."

10. one time, evan made out with a giraffe in kenya.

baby dedicating

this weekend we dedicated maddox at church. i go to a foursquare church and we don't baptize babies; we believe that you should make the decision to be baptized when you are ready. so we dedicate them instead. which is basically just bringing your baby in front of the congregation and everyone joining in prayer. evan and i have been looking forward to dedicating our babies since forever. and that day finally came.


so we brought along our closest friends and family and stood in front of the church with our pastor and prayed over our baby. and it was such an amazing experience. because they don't just pray over the kids, they pray over the families and the people who will be in their lives.

evan and i were super nervous for this day because our little perfect angel baby sometimes likes to cry. SOMETIMES. sometimes he also likes to have massive poops and they like to leak out his diaper and up his chest. and so how chaotic would it be if we got up there and he's screaming his little lungs out? yikes. and also how chaotic would it be if he just pooped his pants right as the praying started? double yikes. so we planned our morning down to the T. we got him dressed last minute and fed him right before going on stage (then we thought, "omg, he's going to spit up on stage." ps. he has a reflux problem so he spits up pretty much everything he eats sometimes.) so. we changed him. we dressed him. we fed him. we hung out behind the set during worship and he started to cry when our pastor looked at him (great) and then we walked on stage and our pastor held him and everyone prayed.

then. then my kid started to cry. mid prayer. in my pastor's arms. so i shoved the binki in his mouth. to which he spit it out on the floor. and started to cry again. to which i shoved my finger in his mouth. because resourceful mom.

and it was a success. i didn't trip or drop maddox and he didn't cry (it was more of a fuss) and THEN he spent the entire service in the nursery. which he has never done because he's a stinker and he loves being with us.

we had our friends and family celebrate with too much food after and it was such a blessed day. i'm so in love with my church and so thankful for our friends and family for taking time out of their weekends, and on the nicest day ever, too, to spend a few hours celebrating and loving maddox. i am so immensely thankful for the prayers and the love that everyone gives us. he is so very loved, even at age zero.