Monday, July 11, 2011

Current issuse vol. 3

Read past issues here and here.

1. Neighbors: fireworks are for New Years and Fourth of July. And today? Today is not either of those days. You're tardy to the party and you're obnoxious in the daylight. Plus you're scaring my dogs. Stop now before I light that off in your eye.

2. Kittens: are you not the cutest things I've ever seen? Yes you are. Yes you are. But stop clawing everything you spy with your little eyes. OMG.

3. Bank account: Expand yourself so I can buy that perfectly perfect house.

4. My job and slash Evan's job: If we're not allowed to hang out at work (what the what what? you're suppose to work at work?) then at least let us text.

5. Annoying person spamming my blog: your comments are ridiculous. Do you even speak English? Get out of here.

6. Monday: I hate you a lot. Let me have my weekend and my vacation back.

7. Terrible drivers: you should have your own blog about how terrible you are. But you don't deserve it. So get out of my way, use your blinkers, and don't leave 50000 feet of space between you and the car in front of you. Kthanksbai.

8. Closet: When I say I need you to rapidly expand by Monday at 8:30 am, I kinda mean it. And if you don't, I have to go to work naked because that's the closest thing to business casual I've got.

9. Cake box and wine bottle(s): Why the heck are you empty in my garbage can? I didn't say you could be empty yet. I need something to look forward to from 8 am to 5 pm. Refill yourselves.

10. Tanless skin: It is mid July, you need to soak up some sun whenever you get it. I don't care if it's five frickin minutes. Tan yourself before I'm forced to spray tan. Snooki style.

I contemplated not going back to work after my lunch break and going back to RL instead. It was that kind of a day.

3 loves:

  1. I am really glad I married someone with a sense of humor. We are a pretty funny couple. I do not know if anyone else thinks this...but we know it's truth.

  2. When you find out how to make your bank account magically expand, let me know. I'd love to get in on that.

    I've heard double-sided tape works well to discourage clawing . . . of course, it comes with the price of looking ridiculous and hoping you don't get stuck to it as well.

    I hate bad drivers. Total lack of patience and lack of blinker-use are my biggest pet peeve. So big, in fact, that I deliberately slow down or wait a little longer to make that right turn, just to make them fume. If you use your blinker, I'll let you over, I promise. I'm really quite nice.

    Mondays used to be my favorite day because they were my day off. Now . . . oh, burn Monday, BURN!!!

    Hope your week gets better! :]

  3. Sarah. Want to here my new current issue? My landlord forgot to pay the water bill. So it got shut off. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!???! This is me being outraged.

    The kitties are gone gone gone on Friday! I can handle the clawing until then. Plus I don't have any double sided tape. =[ I did put some tin foil over my basket and they ripped it off and laughed in my face.

    Also, I'm always in a hurry when I drive no matter if I'm on time, late, or early. I'm probably one you purposely slow down for =] hahaha but I ALWAYS use my blinker and I ALWAYS drive with caution. These other idiots (not us!) are the ones who suck.