27

Today I turned 27. Do you know how excited I was for that? Zero. I was zero excited to turn 27. I had the meltdown of all meltdowns last week when Evan was out of town and he was probably like OH MY GOSH WHO IS THIS CRAZY but he handled it really well and my birthday happened anyway, fear of growing older or not.

Twenty seven is just that much closer to thirty. And I'm like, "hi, not ready for 30. Let's be 24 FOR EVERRR AND EVER. AMEN." Like tonight, I said, "Oh my gosh, Evan. I'm 27." Then had a realization that 28 comes after 27 and had a mini breakdown (just a mini one. No tears this time.) and his consolation to me, "Babe. When you're 30, Maddox will be five." WHAT EVEN. WHO EVEN ARE YOU? I was like, "Oh, thanks. MUCH BETTER NOW. Perfect. Tell me more." So, probably he should stick to being away and consoling me; not doing it in person. Gosh.

But actually, when today arrived, it was the best birthday I've maybe ever had. First, we shot our first wedding of the season yesterday. It was so much fun and they were gorgeous and so in love and I was just like HBD TO ME A DAY EARLY. Even though most of the day I forgot that it was my last day of being 26, which is usually a celebration SLASH crisis for me but instead it was for them and that was perfect and I loved every minute of it and it was the best way to spend May First.

And second. THIS IS THE BIG ONE, GUYS. We woke up this morning, all three of us, Evan and I completely half dead from a twelve-hour work day yesterday, Maddox ready to party obviously (Me: Say, "Happy birthday, Mama!" Him: "Happy!" Okay, yes.) and Evan and I ready to sleep for 12-years, and Evan ran downstairs to grab my gifts and brought me back this giant chunk of stapled papers. It said, "You are loved. Happy birthday, Larissa Jane. May 2, 2015." (Larissa Jane. That's my name. I love it.) And I was like, "What?! What is this?! Did you write me a bunch of letters?!" Because a few years ago I wrote him one letter each week for a year. So I was like holy love batman. But then he said, "Just read it." And it wasn't a bunch of letters from him. IT WAS A BUNCH OF LETTERS FROM A BUNCH OF WOMEN IN MY LIFE.

Okay. What. I cried instantly. I mean, before I even got through Evan's letter I was done. The fact that he would put something like that together melted my heart and about killed me dead. And then the fact that all these people from all areas of my life took time out of their lives of 8-5 jobs and kids and lives and business to write me letters. WHAT IN THE WORLD. So, he asked everyone to write me a letter and then he printed them all out for me to read and cherish and love and reread a bajillion and a half times. The first one after his was from one of my best high school friends who totally unknowingly addressed a huge insecurity of mine that I'm currently dealing with and I was like, "Okay, God, thanks for that." And then the next one after hers was from a sweet Instagram friend. And I said, "YOU GOT LETTERS FROM MY INSTAGRAM BESTIES, TOO?!" That he did. From my high school friends. From my college friends. From my current friends. From my instagram and blog friends. From his cousin that I love. From my college girls. I mean. Can you even?

So, I read them all and then he pulled up the e-mail he created for this (larissabday@gmail, LOLOLOL) and showed me a handful of other letters he didn't have time to print because they came in during the wedding. And I got like close to THIRTY letters from people in my life who love me and think that I'm more than just another body on this planet.

I asked him why he did this and where even the idea came from, and he said that he knows one of my love languages is words of affirmation (which, is how I love others a little bit and really put a lot of value into my words and how I talk to others but don't expect other people to tell me something positive or affirming about me all the days, so this was just a complete shock to me) and he wanted to just make sure that I know how loved I am. It's funny because I don't even think he knew how hard of a time I've been having lately. Our college bible study ended, we're in a weird season of waiting for Guatemala (Ps. going to Guatemala in a few weeks, k bye) to happen and our women's bible study is in a weird six-week period thing that doesn't feel super connected even though I'm really enjoying it, but I feel disconnected and weird right now and am ready to stand on solid ground again. And I'm trying to be content and happy with this place where I am even though that's an entirely other battle I fight on the daily. And so, yes. This was so affirming for me and so beautiful and thoughtful and I could never ever ever ever ever repay each of these girls for what their words mean to me but I want to buy plane tickets all around the US and go hug every single one of them and send them care and thank you packages because gosh. How do you say thank you when someone just blasts you with the kindest words?

I feel so unworthy but my heart could not possibly be more full than it is in this moment. I'm sure I'll read every single note again before I go to sleep and again in the morning. I'll keep them by my bed and read them on the days when I feel useless and I'll highlight and underline and cherish them forever.

So, turning 27 wasn't bad at all. In fact, it was the most beautiful and blessed birthday ever and 28 will have a lot to live up to after today.