05/12 [round two]

Last week Evan and I found this field of wildflowers and I desperately needed pictures there. Okay, so they're weeds. But. I love them. I also borrowed my friend Isabel's cowboy boots for another thing and needed another reason to wear them. But not really because maybe I just wore them around my house all week. Maybe.

It was apparently Arbor Day while we were taking these (and those) pictures and there were approximately 50 thousand people occupying this park. They almost didn't let us in and I gave the guy a look (like I'm basically known for), and he was all, "Just drive slow. Don't hit any kids." THANK YOU. THANK YOU. Wow. Great advice. Shoot. Maybe you should write a book of great advice. Just a thought.

We only hit five kids so it was probably okay.

Just kidding. But there were a lot of kids. And we were just out there with our camera and tripod and in the rain. And Maddox was terrified because they were also cutting trees down, which I'm confused by because I definitely thought Arbor Day was the opposite of that.

I'm so thankful for a husband who has no shame in taking pictures with his picky and needy wife. And a baby who mostly cooperates (with bribery). And for friends who have cute cowboy boots in your exact size and who let you borrow them at the very last second.

Happy Mother's Day

A thousand lifetimes over, I would not have this life any other way. It wasn't planned like this. My type-A personality had my life goals set in stone and displayed for all to see. Because the second you have a semi-serious boyfriend the questions begin. And they never stop and I felt the need to preach my plans to make sure everyone knew what they were and how I would live my life. And then you came. A wildly anticipated moment of fear and doubt and your tiny beating heart opened my eyes to ways I never knew I could love another person. And every single day with you is an adventure from the moment you yell at me to come pluck you out of your crib, to the moment I lay you back down at night (and really the moment I hear you finally quiet after many minutes of reading and singing to yourself). I feel celebrated every single day because I am your mama. The surprise kisses and the constant affection you show me, make me feel like the most important person in your world. I celebrate you, my littlest love, because you made me a mama and you make my heart beat like this.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

Happy Mother's Day to all mamas. You are important and you are needed. Let's celebrate our duty to love the tiny humans and make this world a better place.

i'm the one for a good time call

Okay, I actually can't stand that SIA song but whenever it comes on I'm like, "OH! It's my song." Because I am. I'm the one for a good time call. You guys need a good time, I'm your girl. We don't even have to involve alcohol because I can paint nails like a freaking pro FOR FREE and do hair and I have the best red lipstick in the whole wide word and my kitchen is perfect for dance parties and so don't you even worry about it. You need a good time? CALL ME. MAYBE.

JK. I love songs. I can make the best playlist. I know all the dance moves.

So, here are a few pictures Evan took of me at our wedding this weekend.

I will dance on the patio ALONE and wear veils and red lipstick and sit on the ground and do push ups to get the BEST PICTURES EVER. And I am a good time and I have a lot of fun being ridiculous. Because life is basically too short to not laugh and have a good freaking time. AMIRITE. I am right.

WHAT IS NOT A GOOD TIME: When your cute, adorable, matchy-match black wedges rip right in the middle of your day. Good thing early morning preparedness Larissa was like, "Self, put a pair of sandals in that bag. Your feet are gonna hurt." Well, yes. My feet did hurt in those adorable wedges but my feet were also falling out of said wedges. So, excuse the sandals. On a hunt for new black cute comfy wedding photog shoes.

27

Today I turned 27. Do you know how excited I was for that? Zero. I was zero excited to turn 27. I had the meltdown of all meltdowns last week when Evan was out of town and he was probably like OH MY GOSH WHO IS THIS CRAZY but he handled it really well and my birthday happened anyway, fear of growing older or not.

Twenty seven is just that much closer to thirty. And I'm like, "hi, not ready for 30. Let's be 24 FOR EVERRR AND EVER. AMEN." Like tonight, I said, "Oh my gosh, Evan. I'm 27." Then had a realization that 28 comes after 27 and had a mini breakdown (just a mini one. No tears this time.) and his consolation to me, "Babe. When you're 30, Maddox will be five." WHAT EVEN. WHO EVEN ARE YOU? I was like, "Oh, thanks. MUCH BETTER NOW. Perfect. Tell me more." So, probably he should stick to being away and consoling me; not doing it in person. Gosh.

But actually, when today arrived, it was the best birthday I've maybe ever had. First, we shot our first wedding of the season yesterday. It was so much fun and they were gorgeous and so in love and I was just like HBD TO ME A DAY EARLY. Even though most of the day I forgot that it was my last day of being 26, which is usually a celebration SLASH crisis for me but instead it was for them and that was perfect and I loved every minute of it and it was the best way to spend May First.

And second. THIS IS THE BIG ONE, GUYS. We woke up this morning, all three of us, Evan and I completely half dead from a twelve-hour work day yesterday, Maddox ready to party obviously (Me: Say, "Happy birthday, Mama!" Him: "Happy!" Okay, yes.) and Evan and I ready to sleep for 12-years, and Evan ran downstairs to grab my gifts and brought me back this giant chunk of stapled papers. It said, "You are loved. Happy birthday, Larissa Jane. May 2, 2015." (Larissa Jane. That's my name. I love it.) And I was like, "What?! What is this?! Did you write me a bunch of letters?!" Because a few years ago I wrote him one letter each week for a year. So I was like holy love batman. But then he said, "Just read it." And it wasn't a bunch of letters from him. IT WAS A BUNCH OF LETTERS FROM A BUNCH OF WOMEN IN MY LIFE.

Okay. What. I cried instantly. I mean, before I even got through Evan's letter I was done. The fact that he would put something like that together melted my heart and about killed me dead. And then the fact that all these people from all areas of my life took time out of their lives of 8-5 jobs and kids and lives and business to write me letters. WHAT IN THE WORLD. So, he asked everyone to write me a letter and then he printed them all out for me to read and cherish and love and reread a bajillion and a half times. The first one after his was from one of my best high school friends who totally unknowingly addressed a huge insecurity of mine that I'm currently dealing with and I was like, "Okay, God, thanks for that." And then the next one after hers was from a sweet Instagram friend. And I said, "YOU GOT LETTERS FROM MY INSTAGRAM BESTIES, TOO?!" That he did. From my high school friends. From my college friends. From my current friends. From my instagram and blog friends. From his cousin that I love. From my college girls. I mean. Can you even?

So, I read them all and then he pulled up the e-mail he created for this (larissabday@gmail, LOLOLOL) and showed me a handful of other letters he didn't have time to print because they came in during the wedding. And I got like close to THIRTY letters from people in my life who love me and think that I'm more than just another body on this planet.

I asked him why he did this and where even the idea came from, and he said that he knows one of my love languages is words of affirmation (which, is how I love others a little bit and really put a lot of value into my words and how I talk to others but don't expect other people to tell me something positive or affirming about me all the days, so this was just a complete shock to me) and he wanted to just make sure that I know how loved I am. It's funny because I don't even think he knew how hard of a time I've been having lately. Our college bible study ended, we're in a weird season of waiting for Guatemala (Ps. going to Guatemala in a few weeks, k bye) to happen and our women's bible study is in a weird six-week period thing that doesn't feel super connected even though I'm really enjoying it, but I feel disconnected and weird right now and am ready to stand on solid ground again. And I'm trying to be content and happy with this place where I am even though that's an entirely other battle I fight on the daily. And so, yes. This was so affirming for me and so beautiful and thoughtful and I could never ever ever ever ever repay each of these girls for what their words mean to me but I want to buy plane tickets all around the US and go hug every single one of them and send them care and thank you packages because gosh. How do you say thank you when someone just blasts you with the kindest words?

I feel so unworthy but my heart could not possibly be more full than it is in this moment. I'm sure I'll read every single note again before I go to sleep and again in the morning. I'll keep them by my bed and read them on the days when I feel useless and I'll highlight and underline and cherish them forever.

So, turning 27 wasn't bad at all. In fact, it was the most beautiful and blessed birthday ever and 28 will have a lot to live up to after today.