Wednesday, April 23, 2014

10 things

Ten random things that I want to rant and rave about but don't deserve their own blog post.

1) We've had some disgustingly creepy spiders around these parts lately. Before the past month or so I'd never ever seen one of the spiders before. And then we killed three. They look like really big ticks but they die when you squish them and so I know they're not ticks. So. I was telling my friends Erin & Logan about this the other day and so my friend Erin proceeded to Google these spiders because maybe she hates me. (Ps. I'm beyond terrified of spiders. Like, if she would have put that phone with pictures of spiders in front of my face I probably would have had a mental breakdown and needed a tranquilizer or something.) Anyway. We discussed how gross spiders are for a good little while and then like thirty minutes later I glanced at the floor and a run of the mill house spider was running across my dining room floor like a total jerk. We totally called him out of hiding with all our spider talk.

Oh, but that's not all. I've been complaining about these spiders to, like, everyone hoping that someone will have a similar tick-spider experience. But no one has any idea what I'm talking about. So anyway, I woke up the other morning with a red mark on my face. Upon closer inspection I noticed two tiny little bite marks in it. It burns and hurts and kind of itches but mostly burns. Spider. Bite.

I have to stop talking about these vile creatures so they leave me alone.

2) How do you react when someone mispronounces your name? Do you just let it go and pretend like your name is whatever they're calling you? Or do you correct them (sometimes up to like 50 times) and deal with that awkwardness? Because people think that my name is Laura. Or Lisa. Or Marissa. Whenever I leave a message for someone I have to overly enunciate my name. Like, "LAAAA RIIII SUHHHH" and I also say my name approximately 6 different times, "Again, my name is LAAA RIII SUHHH. That's Larissa, with an L, as in Lemon. LAAA RIII SUHHH. Larissa. Thanks. Bye." And people still call me back and call me the wrong name.

3) On a related note, how do you handle this with your children? I mean, I know that I want to correct everyone who calls me Laura or Lisa or Marissa because NOT my name(s). But people call Maddox "Mad Ox" all the time and I get so defensive and irritated at it. For example: The nurse at our doctor's office calls him "Mad Ox" and so at our most recent visit she called for him, screaming "Mad Ox" into the waiting room and then us idiots, the idiots who named their baby "Mad Ox" have to get up and parade ourselves and our little baby "Mad Ox" through all the people. So, she calls him and I run over there with him and I say, yell really, "HERE'S MADDOX! MADDOX IS HERE TODAAAAY!!!" Like a total lunatic because GET THE PICTURE. Also a lady in the nursery at church calls him "Mad Ox" and I am that mom who is like, "I love you, Maddox." "Bye, Maddox." "Be a good boy, Maddox." using her son's name 500 times in a 30 second period so that this lady knows that my child's name is not Mad Ox. And it's awkward now because I should have just said something the first time. Instead of being just a child about it, I should have stuck up for him because it's not like he can pipe up and be like, "It's Maddox, thanks."

Mom fail.

4) Here's a story about sleeping Evan and his antics. Maddox has been waking up around 3 in the morning because he's teething. So we bring him into bed with us and he falls back asleep and we all sleep soundly until it's appropriate to get out of bed. The other morning Maddox had just started to fall asleep and Evan suddenly jumps up and grabs Maddox and I'm all, "EVAN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" He was having a dream that Maddox was falling out of bed and so he felt like he needed to grab his head. To which Maddox thought that it was time to play and then proceeded to be wide awake and so back into his own bed he went.

5) I tried coconut water for the first time the other day and I wanted to scrape my mouth out with a razor. It was that bad. It tasted like glue. I wanted to like it to be soooooo hipster and shit but I just couldn't do it. Hipster fail.

6) I am addicted to watching documentaries about Everest and K2 on Netflix. I don't know why because I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever (extra emphasis obviously needed), ever climb a mountain that would require oxygen and sub-zero tents and sleeping bags and cost about a million dollars. Just, no thank you. But I can't stop watching. I'm pretty obsessed with knowing why these people enjoy risking their lives to stand on the top of a mountain in the freezing cold. I just don't get it. But I can't stop watching.

7) This year my goal is to read 24 books. So far I'm on book 11. My absolute favorites have been The Twelve Tribes of Hattie (Anaya Mathis) and also Where'd You Go, Bernadette? (Maria Semple). I'm also obsessed with finding books at thrift stores and lately I have found some really great ones like Bossypants (Tina Fey) and Franny and Zooey (J. D. Salinger).

8) Remember the spider story from number one? Similar: My friend Allie and I were talking about ex-boyfriends the other day and immediately following our conversation I went to the store where I proceeded to run into an ex boyfriend in the checkout line. I didn't even recognize him but Evan did. (Because apparently they were childhood friends/basketball buddies. Because how many of my exes can my husband possibly be friends with?! God bless.) I really seriously just should not talk about anything anymore because I apparently can call people and spiders and Lord knows what else out of the woodwork with just my words.

9) We used the map app on our iPhones while driving around LA because reasons and while driving home from the Dodger's game on the 605, Siri informed us to just make a u-turn. In the middle of the interstate. Because obviously. It was already dark outside and there was much traffic and I was in charge of navigation and Evan maybe dropped some choice words because he thought it was my fault that Siri was being an idiot. Spoiler alert: It wasn't.

10) Maddox is obsessed with pickles. I'm not 100 percent sure if a one-year-old should be eating pickles but he loves them and flips his lid if you eat one and do not share it with him.  I think he gets this from me because I am a pickle snob. Claussen is the ONLY way to go. Don't even tell me Vlasic or I will punch you in the jaw. However, my mom likes to can things and she canned some dilly beans last year and I cannot get enough. However, I'm about to have enough because there are only a few jars left in her cupboard and it is too, too long until canning season begins. And if you don't know what a dilly bean is, it's basically a pickled bean. Except for that my mom fills the jar also with garlic and then made some very delicious lemon rosemary-flavored dilly beans and in addition to me loving them, Maddox also loves them and we have been sharing the very last jar of lemon rosemary beans every night and it's totally a bonding experience.

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