[untitled]

everyone says that maddox looks so much like me. which is true, he looks nothing like evan and everything like me. which is also weird because he's a boy and i'm a girl and that's maybe what i'd look like if i were a boy? except for that i have a brother and i think that we look nothing alike and so we pretend that he's adopted but maybe if i were a boy i'd look like my maybe-adopted brother, too.

rambling.

his faces, too. this one-eyebrow raise with a wrinkly forehead. i do that. and his hands over his face when he sleeps. i do that. and his stubbornness. already. i do that, too.  and his teeny tiny bladder that just can't hold it for more than five minutes. i do that. and his attitude. and his always & forever hunger. and his love affair with sleep. and his love affair with fighting sleep when he needs it most. and his non-hitchhiker thumbs. and his deep blue eyes. and his dark hair. his dark skin. his nose. his lips. his dimple.

mine. mine. mine.


it's weird seeing yourself in another person. wondering what qualities he'll get from me and which ones he'll get from evan. i could make a list of all the things i hope he passes on, my quick anger and road rage and defensiveness and fear of confrontation and shyness and the things that i hope he clings to from evan, his smile and ability to sing and desire to help and selflessness and protectiveness and ability to love and level head. and you have this child and you see the things in you that you hate and you slowly start to better yourself, like forgiving quicker and removing negativity and being patient and trying to not be annoyed by the people who don't use their blinkers as long as they don't drive like a crazytown around you and your baby. and you want to be the best you that you can be so this baby will mimic that you and hopefully won't see the bad you and if this baby does, hopefully those good parts outweigh and overshadow the bad.

oh, but he's perfect. my little mini me.
[little booties & hat c/o meghan, pleasantly plump knits]