Thursday, June 14, 2012

#firstworldproblems

it's offensive to me when people say, "you always looked like such a bitch. then i got to know you! you're actually really nice." UHHHH.

someone also once told evan that i "don't smile very much." to which i wanted to slap this person's mouth clean off.

do you see how nice i am? c'mere, i'll show you how nice i am.

just please. i smile plenty.  if i'm not smiling at you, you've clearly pissed me off.  and how are you supposed to be anyway? are you supposed to have a ridiculous smile plastered across your face at all times? i have literally been smiling this entire time. IT'S ANNOYING. and now my face hurts. maybe i should exercise my non-reason smile muscles some more. i'm telling you, i cannot sit here and smile all the damn time.  it's giving me a complex, too, because as i'm walking towards someone in the hallway at work i completely over think the exact moment of which i am supposed to smile. "is it now? how about now? right now? now? ready? GO!" and by the time i've decided it's appropriate to smile, said person has already passed me and totally is thinking to themselves about what a bitch i am for not smiling at them in the hallway. so now, now i'm just gonna fake-smile all the time. and never break eye contact. i'm going to be the most awkward. I'LL SHOW YOU. BRING IT.

i just want to know exactly which features of my face make me look like a mean person? is it my eye liner? is it too dark? too black? too much? is it my hair? my bangs? my lips? my prominent cheek bones? is it this glare i'm giving you because you just told me i have a mean looking face? Okay, but really. Which is it?

i either look like a bitch or.......a 12-year-old (girl. just to be clear. if i ever get mistaken for a boy, i will literally poke someone's eyeballs out). BECAUSE THAT MAKES SENSE. i know people think i'm 12 because they call me "sweetie." DO I LOOK LIKE A SWEETIE TO YOU? or, my new personal favorite: "oooooooo is that an.....................engagement.......ring?" as if i found this insanely realistic looking wedding ring at Claire's and i'm totally pretending it's an........engagement ring.  i especially love the extra emphasis on "engagement," too. like, "now, this next word i'm about to say is a big-girl word. are you ready? can you handle it?" i roll my eyes, which is totally an age-appropriate reaction, and say, "I'M DIS MANY" and hold one finger straight up.


LALALALAAAAL.

shit girls larissa says: I'M FREAKING HILARIOUS. I CRACK MYSELF UP.





22 loves:

  1. You really are hilarious. I do not want to add to that ego that you have got going on. However, a man cannot lie to his wife. xoxo

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  2. Haha. Seriously, Larissa, I just laughed out loud (no. i refuse to use "lol" so don't even think that.)at this post. You don't look like a bitch at all. & speaking of smiling, your sense of humour makes me smile so hard.

    By the way//// that outfit looks amazing on you.

    Smile all the time... you could be those people from the Soundgarden video for "Black Hole Sun". Really freakin' bat-shit crazy. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I REFUSE LOL, TOO! TWINNIES! i saw LAL and i peed my pants. it is NOT lol. it's LAL.

      maybe evan should take a picture of how i look sometimes and i'll put it online and you can decide. because he has taken some random pictures of me (that i didn't know were being taken) and i am glaring. hahaha MAYBE THAT'S JUST THE WAY MY FACE LOOKS, OKAY?

      this outfit is my new fave! target mint skinnies for the win! i need to go buy another pair.

      Delete
    2. I hope you're wearing depends, because....
      LAL LAL LAL LAL!

      Maybe you're a glar-er Larissa. & maybe the world just needs to accept that and move on!

      :)

      Delete
  3. HEY GUESS WHAT. Were you drunk when you wrote this? Because I love it. This whole blog post is like, exactly how you talk to me. Also, uh, LOOK AT YOUR PROFILE PICTURE. You look beautiful and nice and sweet and kind and gorgeous. Bam. Roasted.

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    Replies
    1. That was on a good day. ;]

      This is my favorite comment ever probs. you made me snort.

      Delete
  4. You are hilarious.

    I hate when people tell me to smile. I, too, get the "but you seem like such a bitch" and then it's like ARRRGGGHHHHHHH NO, I'M NICE, but now you've made me angry!

    Oh, and the engagement ring thing.. that's so rude.

    People, I tell you.

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    Replies
    1. EXACTLY! How about you offend me and then tell me I don't look like a nice person. OBVIOUSLYYYY HELLOOOO. Hahahahahaha I'm so glad I'm not the only victim in these types of situations.

      And right?! I seriously should be like, "how old do you think I am?!!" or maybe casually interject hey lady I'm 24 into our daily conversation. Bahahaha

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  5. Bahahaha realtaaaalk! I love it. People always ask me what's wrong, like, ALL THE DAMN TIME, I guess because I look really serious or pissed off 24/7. Newsflash: I spend most of my life at work with colleagues twice my age who smile less than I do. And obviously if we DON'T smile, something is very wrong or, like you said, we're bitches (been told that to my face too...which I just didn't even get...I mean...you don't know me?) PS totally validated on the 12yr old thing. I will be carded alwaysandforever. PS YOU'RE AWESOME! AND GUESS WHAT I DON'T THINK YOU'RE A BITCH! Haha.

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    Replies
    1. REALTALK. I love it. That is how my work place is, too!!! And I'm like, hello you're ancient. Leave me alone. Just because you're 60 so that makes everyone super young doesn't make me super young. And hooray for looking like babies! It WILL come in handy some day!!!

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  6. You're the greatest! We can be 12 together forever. Also, hysterical. You aren't a bitch. Making my day left and right.

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  7. Loveee your outfit and this whole post, you're too funny! X

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  8. this person is dumb. obvi.
    and "C'mere let me show you..." BAHAHAHA! I just love you.

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    Replies
    1. hahaha i know. srsly. let's be real. i am not 12!!! ahhhhg!

      Delete
  9. people used to think i was stuck up just because i was shy. and they would say the same thing about me not smiling much. i am not snobby! i was just awkward and shy! gahhhhhhh!

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    Replies
    1. Exactly!!! I'm awkward and shy. Not rude!

      Delete

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