things you should know if we're gonna be BFF

i drink pickle juice like it's part of my religion. like, i'd rather drink the juice than eat a pickle. also, i'm a pickle snob and i will only eat claussen.

i snort when i laugh. which in turn makes me laugh harder.

do not even talk about PB&J around me or i will stab you with a fork.

i will force you to watch grey's anatomy and yes it is real life. also jersey shore. also dexter. also mcdreamy. ALSOCANWETALKABOUTGREY'SSEASONFINALEWTF.

i cannot hold a conversation with you without quoting the office, family guy, arrested development, shit girls say, shit black girls say, shit nobody says, neature adventures, tracy, can i get your number, and any and all youtube sensations (backin up, hide yo kids hide yo wife), etc. and i also have a southern accent. so.

you will never, ever hear me say, "flowers are a stupid gift because they will just die." I. LOVE. FLOWERS. ship away.

you should hear my impersonation of tina fey in date night: UM THAT'S AMAZING, JEREMY, BUT I'M GONNA GO HOME AND FART IN A SHOE BOX.

i am well aware that my kitchen is more of a dance floor than a room to cook in. and music is meant to be listened to at an ear shattering volume. and windows are meant to be open. and curling irons are meant to be microphones. and you are meant to embarrass yourself in front of your neighbors while you dance your night away.

you had better get used to saying to me, "let me fix that part in your bangs." otherwise, we cannot be friends.

you should probably read these books. it will strengthen our friendship: Philippians. The Murderer's Daughters. Up from the Blue. The Fault in Our Stars. Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? [and other concerns]. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. No One Belongs Here More Than You.



i love you already, bff.