lalala

Sometimes I look back at things that have happened to me in the past and I get really, really angry. Which is so stupid. I am completely aware of my inability to change the past. And also my inability to control the actions of another person.

I'd like to be taught how to remove someone from my life. I think that would be the best solution. I wish I was more brave. Today I sent a not-very-nice text (a text people. This is huge for me. Huge!) to my old landlord because he's an ass. I told him he's a compulsive liar and a coward and it felt good. I mostly did it because I'll never have to see him again. In fact, I've never seen him in the first place. It's these other people. These other people who live in my town, shop at my stores, go where i go, do what I do. It's these people I can't just up and slap with some words on a screen. Even though they had no problem slapping me with words behind my back or to my friends or their friends or to my face. It's those people who really deserve a word-slapping and not my landlord for stealing $50 from me. That? That deserves a nice hard slap on the face. With a wet towel.

I'm sick of being a convenience. Of being a plan B. of wondering if you're having a good day or if you're having a day where I let your excuse do all the talking.

I'm overwhelmed and anxious. My heart is going to beat its way out of my chest. I'm going to break. It's going to happen.