some funny things that have happened to me recently;

1. today, evan brought me a coffee. (actually a white chocolate steamer because i don't drink milk so he sneakily sneaks it to me in concealed forms.) he dropped it off on his way to work, as he was simultaneously running late. our jobs are not on the same side of town, btw. he's a devoted lover.
anyway. he called me as he was turning onto my work street so i could run down the stairs and meet him at our top secret coffee/kiss exchange location. he pulls into the parking spot on the street, the kind that are perpendicular to the curb and as he gets out of his car, the car jumps the curb and heads straight for the parking meter. in such a hurry he didn't even put it in park. you probably had to be there, but i added it to my phone in my note of "funnies" because it basically made my life to see his face as he dove back into his moving slash jumping car.


2. this conversation: let me warn you in advance. this proves that i'm a selfish, conceited, narcissistic brat. just to clear things up.

after i screen shot this to save and look at and make my day whenever i wanted, i realized that maybe he was telling me to punch the other person i had wanted to punch in the first text. (reason: she said "anywho" like 65 times in a phone conversation. that is not ok, ever. it's not a word, just like "anyways" isn't a word.) but i like to pretend that he was saying it about legs. and FYI- i didn't have the BK. i had a homemade tuna burger. 10 points for me. but you know how i think i'm really funny? this proves just that.


3. i just finished Mindy Kalling's book "Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? And Other Concerns..." and i think that we might be soul mates. i told evan i might be leaving him to move to LA and stalk Mindy until we are bfff. she freaking has an entire chapter dedicated to her FUNERAL. um, hello?! i talk about mine all the time (but mostly in the fact that i don't know how i want to be....um...preserved. DO NOT cremate me. DO NOT bury me. FREEZE me.) also? she had me LALing every other page (the only acceptable form of LOL, kills me every time. i imagine i'm a blonde socal bimbo (no offense to my hundreds of blond bimbo socal blog readers) when i say it and i crack up and then evan looks at me like i'm a psychopath....i overstate.) and anyone who is half as funny as me deserves to be my bff&e. (ALSO? she wrote my most favorite office episode: "the injury" and i could watch that every single day and never be sick of it. we could probably be long lost sisters or something.)

4. this gem from a comment i left on erin's wall:

i'd say my life is pretty much a success right now. i will never be able to face time again without reminiscing about the shake weight kitchen episode. this girl kills me.


so yeah. this post should be retitled to: "how i'm really funny and entertain myself by making myself laugh and no one else." (that only made sense in my mind.)

currently: going out to not get drunk and throw things like tomatoes at my friend's faces and attempt to face-time in my kitchen while taking shots of whipped cream vodka while simultaneously handling hot pans straight out of the oven. <- my friends really care about my well being. <- as the hot pan was tipping in my hand, i thought to myself, "SELF. DO NOT GRAB THIS HOT PAN WITH YOUR NON GLOVED HAND." <- death.