i lost my place but i can't stop this story

i remember when they made me go to that not-so-empathetic therapist after her accident. in the basement of a house-turned office, who was the father of one of my coworkers which made it nearly impossible for me to do what they wanted. which was pour my heart out to him so he could neatly wrap it up in a condensed report and prove to them that i was fine. instead, i kept it not-so-neatly, but very tightly, packed away and just unpacked a few things to satisfy him and them and prove that i would be okay. he told me to focus on my current task. okay, so you're brushing your teeth. front tooth, front tooth, back and gums. i've never forgotten that advice because it doesn't work. my mind refuses to stop when it starts. and when i wake up remembering it consumes my entire day.  i practice talking myself through my current tasks. right turn, slow down, stop. look both ways, wait...okay go. in between, that's when it creeps up. it's not what you think, because that only creeps in when i walk to my car at night in the dark. it's the other things. it's what you said three weeks ago. it's who you dated when we broke up. it's how you reacted when i showed you my colors. it's how you act when you're near me. it's the way you used me. i can't unpack the millions of reasons why i constantly feel like i'm on the verge of tears. why a single word will bring a flood of memories. why a thought that once flashed through my mind now lives there permanently. why i live behind walls that i can so easily disguise because i'm too messy to unpack everything and teach myself to just breathe, breathe, breathe.