eight months//dear maddox

Dear Maddox,

EIGHT WHOLE MONTHS. Unreal. I know I say this every time, but this? This right here? This is my favorite. Oh boy, you are SO much fun. And you are funny! And you think I'm funny! I can handle this getting old thing with the promise that the next phase will be that much more fun than the last.

You can crawl! Kind of. Mostly. You've taken a few wobbly crawls across the floor and after just a few seconds you fall flat onto your belly and flail like a fish until you work up the courage to try again. You've been doing this (adorable) thing for a few weeks where you rock back and forth on your hands and knees. I call it "revving your engine" and I know you'll be rocking back and forth, back and forth and then you'll just take off like it ain't no thang. I know you're just testing the waters and pretty soon you'll be the best crawler in all the land. Just like you're the best roller and the best sitter and the best at every single milestone you've already reached.

You also play peek-a-boo (I mean, you've always played it but now you cover your own face with the blanket). Whenever you hear me laughing, you laugh. You give open-mouth, slobbery slob kisses. And those kisses melt my heart. You also really like to look in mirrors. Like, you could probably spend the better part of your day looking in the mirror at us. So, I gave you a toy with a mirror on it and you kissed yourself! Over and over again you gave yourself, that adorable baby smiling back at you, kiss after kiss after kiss.

This eight-month thing has brought with it quite the personality. You are hilarious and you know it. You made us laugh pretty hard the other day and even though you didn't know exactly why we were laughing at you, you kept lowering your head and popping it back up with your mouth cracked into the biggest smile in the whole world and we couldn't help but spend A LOT of time laughing with you.

I am kind of obsessed with you, sweet baby love. I do this thing when it's time for your nap where I've planned out all the things I'm going to accomplish during your nap time. It's usually quite a long list and it usually will take up all of your nap. So, I nurse you and usually you fall asleep in my arms and then I sit there, staring at you as the clock ticks by and instead of tackling my to-do list, I stare at you. And smell your breath and the top of your head. I count your fingers and toes and pat your back and kiss your forehead and your cheeks and those sweet baby lips. I hold you until I work up the courage to put you down for the remaining (very few) minutes of your nap and attempt to get some things done. But you are more important than all of the things combined.

And at night, every night before bed, our new ritual is to watch all of the videos of you. The very first video we ever took of you was when I was probably 20-something weeks pregnant. Maybe a little less. The video is during one of our checkups as the nurse listened to your heartbeat, and that sweet, sweet music filled the room. Your dad took the video for me and it's one of my favorites. Then we watch the videos of when you started talking and then the ones of when you first laughed. We watch the one of you rolling across the floor where your dad shouts, "You found the boob!" at the end (because you rolled over to me). We watch every single video, sometimes multiple times and I tell your dad over and over and over how much I love you.

I am a little ridiculous. I know this.

You're still not sleeping through the night and your dad and I have no self-control when it comes to teaching you how. You're not real great at taking naps, either; and anything over 30-minutes is a long nap when it comes to you.

But still. Putting you to bed is one of the sweetest traditions. We give you a bath in the kitchen sink and you reach for everything around the sink. We dry you off and spend a few minutes blowing raspberries on your tummy and playing in your room before I nurse you one last time and you usually fall asleep within five minutes. I rock you for a little (long) time and then I carefully put you in your bed and sneak out. We sneak back in your room before we go to bed to pray over your growing body and I sneak one last kiss in before I go to sleep.

Every night before I go to sleep I say, "I miss Maddox." And your dad tells me, "He'll be awake in a few hours. Don't worry." And you are. And we cuddle as I put you back to sleep and I thank God for another day spent with you and another day that I was given to be your mama.

Even though time is flying by at warp speed and you'll be turning a very big one-year-old in a few short months, I wouldn't trade this for anything. My life is absolutely perfect just where it's at. I am so thankful for the precious gift that you are. I have said many prayers of thanks for you, sweet boy, during this month of thanks. I have found myself being extra thankful for the diaper changes and the times you spit food onto your highchair tray so that you can stick your fingers in it and smear it all over yourself. I'm thankful for the messes and the fact that I only have a limited number of minutes in my day to get things done. I'm thankful because those messes and those limited minutes, those dirty diapers and the thirteen loads of laundry and the spit up in my hair means that I have a little baby boy. A little baby boy that I get to love and care for. And I'm doing all the un-fun mommy things like laundry and dishes and dirty diapers with a heart of gratitude because I am so undeniably thankful for you. Every minute of every day. I will never stop singing praises for the gift that you are.
 

I love you past the moon and the stars, forever and ever.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

Mama