traveling with a baby (i'm an expert)

we returned from seattle last monday and needed about 4 days worth of sleep to make up for our vacation exhaustion. THEN maddox went into full-on sleep regression and now i need 124 days worth of sleep to make up for a baby who likes to wake up every hour and only wants to sleep on me (no thanks to the unsolicited advice on that one). but being home for a week has given me a chance to think about our trip and how we will not be traveling with a fully dependent baby in our near future (except that maddox was the mostly the best traveler).

obviously we flew to seattle because a five and a half month old in a car for 12 hours equals not a 12 hour trip. when you walk into the seating area with a baby, people look at you like you are lepers and bringing with you thirteen different communicable diseases. it's just a baby, folks. of course maddox slept through the entire TSA process until i had to get him out of his carseat to walk through the metal detector and then he was wide awake and just charming the pants off of everyone. our flight left at 6 am so it was the perfect timing and match right up with his normal feeding schedule and i could just feed him during take off. high fives all around for that good travel planning.

the minute we got to our gate i ran to the bathroom to do one last diaper change, which, of course, pissed maddox off and i brought a crying baby back to the gate and the thirty other people on our plane. so that was a good time. i also am a moron who didn't practice using the nursing cover until the day before and so there i was trying to figure out how to keep myself and the squirmiest baby on the planet covered and also the squirmiest baby on the planet has FOMO (fear of missing out) and so of course he's starving but also where the heck are we and so looking around at all the things and simultaneously crying overrules eating.

i finally got him fed and of course he does a big diaper-filling poop twenty minutes into our two-hour flight. and of course the flight attendants are just then taking their sweet time with the beverage carts and of course the man in 8A can't decide between coffee and juice and maddox is crying again over his diaper and OMG. thank goodness we were sitting right on the propeller (i mean, no. TERRIFYING.) because that thing was loud enough to drown out our crying kid.

the flight attendant also lied to us and said, and i quote, "oh, there's plenty of room in the bathroom to change him!" LIES. there wasn't even a SINK in the bathroom. i mean, how is that sanitary?! (although most people don't wash their hands because i can't tell you how many people in bathrooms on our vaca just skipped that step. UM HELLO PEOPLE. WASH YOUR HANDS PLEASE AND THANKS.) and so evan had to change him on the lid of the toilet and brought back thee angriest baby i have ever met.

but i mean, our choice was either that or leave him in his dirty diaper.

he fell asleep immediately after that fiasco and slept until landing when i nursed him some more and he seemed to have no problems with popping ears or any of that nonsense.

we vacillated on bringing the stroller along because although free, it's the size of a small car and do we really have room for that? no. so we decided we'd just pack the baby around in the baby bjorn and share the wear between us.

you guys? we carried an eighteen pound baby around seattle for five days. the first day we walked probably five or so miles (uphill both ways, obviously. in the snow and shit.) and i carried maddox the entire way and when we arrived at our destination i died a little bit.

did you know that a baby gains about a hundred pounds when they fall asleep? because they do.

that tidbit aside, i'm so thankful that we got to carry him around. it was like 24/7 cuddle sesh. because also he slept in our bed because what else are you going to do with a rolling baby? so, 24/7 cuddles basically.


for reals though, maddox was such a good traveler. he slept in the bjorn and he even let me walk around while i was feeding him (i got better at the stupid cover but i just prefer to be in the comfort of my own home and not in search of a bathroom or using the stupid cover in the middle of public.) and he slept through the night and didn't seem too phased by the hour time change or any of that.

i was mostly nervous for the plane ride and how he would do (mostly great) (because he slept the entire ride home) and how he would nap while we were in seattle. because this child needs his naps. or else. but he is so adaptable and went with the flow every single day.

i don't have any advice for other people traveling with a baby because what worked best for me was a husband who was more than willing to carry my girly diaper bag or the baby or change him on the middle of the ground in front of the orangutang exhibit at the zoo. what worked best was the binki clip i hand made to attach his pacifier (and also his favorite rattle) to him so that we didn't have to worry about sanitizing the shiz out of it when it inevitably hit the ground. what also worked best was carrying around not one or two or three or four but actually like 30 changes of clothes because just in case, the baby might have sixty diaper blowouts at the zoo and he also might pee on the one lone burp cloth and so you end up using the bag for the nursing cover as a makeshift burp cloth. what also worked best was using the baby bjorn instead of leaving it in the suitcase your husband is rolling a half a block ahead because you're carrying an eighteen pound baby in your arms and not the wrap.

mostly, my advice is to just not have any expectations or requirements because the number one rule of babies is that babies are always in charge and to also bring along a tide bleach pen just in case the baby spits up on your husband's suit for the wedding he's in. (oops)