little baby

because of my preeclamptic condition i have to do a bajillion tests between now and the end to make sure that the baby is still growing properly and getting enough nutrients and doing all the things it should be doing while i lie around in bed and watch kourtney and khloe take miami because i heart trashy reality TV.

so today i laid on a bed for a twenty minute non-stress test to monitor the baby's heart and if i was having any contractions [which i maybe did? or it was just me laughing at how much the baby haaaaaated the monitors?] and i got to watch the baby's heart beat out at a speedy 150 bpm and listen to that watery heart beat while i looked at evan and was like yes. this. we are going to be parents.

it was one of those moments that hits you like a truck doing 80. it's a moment that isn't even new at all but the realization of it is just about enough to blind you. it's something we've said a million times since last july. it's something we talk about on a daily basis. it's a room i peek into every time i walk by it. it's little baby things like bottles and binkies and diapers and onesies scattered around my house. and sometimes it's still just brand new, this idea that i have a human being growing inside of me and evan is going to be a dad [the best] and my parents are going to be first-time grandparents and we're going to get zero hours of sleep and our lives are going to change in the very best way because we're having a baby.

we're having a baby.

and so i sat in a room with my family that has grown from just the two of us to almost three in just a few short months and my heart could have just burst with excitement and joy.


AND THEN. we had another ultrasound which we wouldn't have had without these other complications and i am so thankful we got to peek inside my belly one last time. the baby had it's little arms and legs measured and we saw those perfectly pouty baby lips and button nose and the hands! the hands that won't leave the side of the baby's face and that opened and closed, opened and closed like it was waving to us and i almost cried.

this ultrasound was insane because of how big the baby is. the entire baby does not fit on the screen anymore. and it looks like a baby. it has lips and eyes and fingers and toes! it has a foot jammed up in my rib cage and i got to see it all. the baby was wide awake and performed so well for all the tests we had today.

proud mama.

right in the middle: nose and lips and a hand. the tech also said, "let's measure his little head." so. maybe there's a little evan in there. three weeks and we'll see!