Wednesday, April 25, 2012

ramblings from the shy one

You know what I hate? I hate assumptions. That because I’m quiet and maybe a little shy and so I’m obviously a rude you-know-what. Today my firm bought everyone lunch at a very ritzy club for administrative professionals week. (I’ve also gotten free catered breakfast, a target gift card and there’s still 2 days left this week! Go law firm, go!) I tend to keep to myself in my office for lot of reasons: I’m younger than almost everyone which means I can’t discuss my grandchildren and social security benefits and golf and power-walking in my step-ups. I refuse to partake in office drama (you should see me when these ladies start to run their mouths. I am the very best at not saying a word and not engaging in any wayshapeorform with that nonsense. Good news: drama doesn’t end when you’re 50 and all grown up! and you want to know something so ridic? my boss, on my review EVEN SAID that i don't partake in the petty drama and i am never associated with that noise. um, duh. thanks for noticing.). Therefore I don’t have very many friends. And I’m okay with that because it’s work and my work life and social life don’t need to overlap. It’s not life or death. But today I sat with several other people at lunch (and can we talk about the fact that I went above and beyond my comfort zone and even went to the luncheon?!) and we talked about dogs and our pets and the ability to have chickens in town now (um, gross. Except I still want a pig, so there’s that) and how delicious the prime rib was (right?! Prime rib, shrimp, chicken, open bar. I mean, really.) and how ridiculous the federal building is and how federal employees get heated parking and blah blah blah and I think I maybe said 3 words. I am the opposite of the type of person who jumps into a conversation with two thousand things to say. I’m the opposite of the type of person who knows someone who has this dog and that dog and it sheds too much for their taste but it’s a fine animal otherwise, and who has free-range chickens in their backyard shed and a mean old hen whose eggs are the best if you can get to them and whose cousin knows someone who knows someone who works in the federal building and why yes, they do indeed have heated parking.

That’s not me. In fact, I have a sharpei/Brittany spaniel dog and I bet you don’t. I bet you’ve never even seen one. My best friend in high school has a St. Bernard, two in fact, and they’re fine dogs except for the drool. I could do without the drool. My grandma had chickens when I was growing up, but I was always scared of them and the damp little coop she kept them in. I don’t know anyone who works in the federal building but my dad works for the city and he rides his bike to work every morning because he’s intense and his truck gets 2 miles to the gallon or something fancy like that and so he has heated parking too because he parks his bike in his heated office.

So there.

But the point is, I’m not the type of person who wants to tell everyone everything. But maybe I'd tell you something if you asked me, even with my social skills that equal those of a hermit crab. If you asked me what kind of dog I have, I wouldn’t sit there are stare at you with my blue eyes fixed on your mouth (because if you asked I have to read lips because I do) and my mouth gaping open like my brain has suddenly evaporated into thin air. I would tell you. But it’s against my entire being to jump head first into a conversation that has nothing to do with my best friend from five years ago and her dogs and my dad’s bike in his office and my grandma’s dead chickens just because I have nothing to say so I’m going to say everything.

I’m shy and I’m quite. I like to listen and I will only give you advice if you ask and I feel incredibly comfortable around you. I don’t share myself with a lot of people. This person I portray on my blog may or may not be who I am in real life depending on how well you know me. I will tell you what you ask me. I will not push my memories and my experiences and my friends and my family and stories about all of these things into your face because it’s not relevant. I’ll be quiet and I will let you speak and I will listen and that is how I will be. Because that is who I am.




In other news, my entire dream was in sign language last night. I spent two weeks in a deaf school and suddenly I’m fluent in ASL five years later? I’m totally okay with that.

31 loves:

  1. Oh my! I felt like I was there at that luncheon! And I'm toootally with you .. I'm thee shyest person ever and I have to purposefully practice my social and conversation skills. I try to think of questions to ask. Try to carry on a conversation. I stink at that though...I'm more of a listener.. Not a talker. When I do have something to say, I expect people to listen..They don't and it makes me mad cause I rarely speak up and I've listened to all their ish and they don't want to listen to my ish.. and people should reciprocate with ish-exchanges. Oh wells. As I get older (garsh I don't even want to think about how old I am...ahhh) I'm beginning to be more comfortable around strangers and I just start to say what's in my head.. Today, someone called work and I had no idea what the guy said. Instead of saying excuse me can you repeat that? I was like, "what in the world?!!!!!" And at the doctor the other day (when I had infected knee meat) the nurse was taking a sample of my skin cells and instead of holding my tongue and weeping inwardly from the pain, I just cried out, "WHHHHHYYY??? WHHHHYYYYYYY?!!!! And that was fine too. It took me many years to realize that I'm just going to be myself. I'm weird sometimes. And I don't like talking..I prefer to listen. And if we ARE going to talk then I'm going to say whatever I feel like. I just don't care anymore... It's quite liberating. You should try it.

    Janette the Jongleur

    PS. This is quite possibly the longest comment in blogger history

    PPS. I'm totally peeved that my boss didn't get me flowers or even a coffee today... Maybe tomorrow? I hope so!

    PPPS.I want chickens..and a pig to feed my scraps to.

    PPPPS. The drama doesn't stop after 40? Goodness!!

    PPPPPPPS. Heated parking??? FOR REAL?? WHATT????

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    1. hahaha oh my gosh. i just love you. heated parking! yes! what in the world to THAT! the drama NEVER stops. we have little old ladies in our office who just gossip gossip gossip. all day err day. you do not want chickens. they have gross poop. and beaks and wings and gross warty legs. pigs are ok. baby, tiny teacup ones. not fat, hairy ones. your boss better get you SOMETHING! it's a week long event because we do a lot of junk for these people so he has two days. BUT STILL HE BETTER GET YOU SOMETHING GOOD! RAT NAOW. (do you like how i'm replying backwards?) i completely agree on the they don't listen to what you say part. my favorite is when they ask you a question (or someone else asks you a question) and loud person is like "I HAVE A DOG! I HAVE A DOG! AND A CAT AND MY PARENTS HAVE HORSES AND COWS AND MY GREAT UNCLE LIVES IN SCOTLAND! LALALALALALA" shut. up. people who interrupt me just skeeve me off. sometimes, if i'm in a mood, i'll be all loud and in your business, but mostly i'm quiet and shy and polite even though i'm fuming on the inside.

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    2. :-* Lets get together and just listen to each other.. NO wait. One of us will have to talk. You talk first and then me! And we'll take turns and not interrupt!

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    3. Hahah yes! It will be the politest conversation ever and the entire world will be jealous.

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  2. Girl, I so feel ya.
    Quiet doesn't mean snobby. It just means we're quiet, and that's a good thing.
    Whoot for going outside your comfort zone! :]

    P.S. Love the pic
    P.P.S Your dad's heated parking. Loved it. :]

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    1. exactly. you're the one running your mouth and making a fool of yourself, butting in where you don't belong and all that jazz. THANK YOU! and my dad is intense. he has a beard and is a mountain man. you look at him and you say, "MONTANA."

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  3. I sure do love you. Everything.

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  4. gorgeous shoot :)

    www.aroundlucia.com
    www.aroundlucia.com

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  5. Ack, that whole luncheon thing sounds horrible! Seems like you handled it like a big girl, though- so, good job. I'm like you: prefer to eat alone! That's peace-and-quiet me time that I wouldn't otherwise get!

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    1. Exactly. I like to read during my lunch so this was precious reading time that I lost! It wasn't all bad, the food was great, but just being around 150 people in a tiny space where I felt so small was a little rough. =]

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  6. Love your post... so, so true..... and I think every business has the same issues - you are wise to stay out of the drama... Dolly

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  7. Larissa, this post was amazing and perfectly well-written.
    I hate work-drama.. and drama of all kinds really.

    I can completely relate to you; most of the time I will just sit and not really say anything unless I am asked. I think you are so, so awesome.

    REPHIT:
    Yes, bad emotions are integral to appreciating all of the good ones. So, so true.
    Thank you for your sweet comment. I love the way you think.

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    1. You are just the kindest person I know. Thank you for your sweet comment! It means so much =] I like to be alone slash not in large groups and I definitely don't like to talk in large groups. Unless it's a group of my closest friends and I am just now warming up to that. Haha shy, quiet, reserved.

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  8. Why are we like the same person? SRSLY! I'm the youngest one in our firm!! I'm the receptionist and seriously treated like I'm five years old by the other ladies. Obviously I care less about politics and the school board and that your grandchild is on the basketball team.
    They all think I'm a joke for being interested in photography, talking about how proud I am of my little brother, and loving movies and music.
    Um....sorry if I'm interested in artsy things instead of how crappy our world is right now. I'd rather focus on the good instead of how someone got shot yesterday or so and so isn't doing good in the election or how you didn't get your coffee this morning therefore you are cranky as hell!
    Sometimes I wish to never get old just so I won't become a crankypants, but then I realize it has nothing to do with being old. They were probably a crankypants when they were 12.
    Sorry you had a rough luncheon! Believe me!!! I did too. Firm bingo and winning a teddy bear isn't my idea of fun, but at least the food was good this time. Haha!
    Please know that I love your cute self and wish we worked for the same firm and had rad lunch dates! :)

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    1. So many people are like, "I'm the same way!" and to that I say, "where have you been all my lifeee?!" hahaha the women in my firm don't talk to me unless it's to gossip about how young I am (I'm not) and shouldn't be married. To which I say, girl please. Hahaha you had to play firm bingo?! Oh man. We had some annoying power point for a minute and then we went back to our drinks and I stuffed my face with chocolate death cake. Ps. There's nothing wrong with your love of photography! People don't understand when you're different. "you WANT to go to Africa?! Why on earth?!!" <3

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    2. Hahaha! Girl, yes! Firm bingo and it had facts of all about five people that work there and the rest of us were like....uh...I guess we aren't important. Haha! Not that I really care.
      Chocolate Death Cake sounds worth it. Hope it was.
      Why do ladies think we are too young to get married. Srsly. They were probably like 16 and in high school. Isn't that what they did back in the day?
      Go so true! And I think you are an amazing lady for going to africa and loving on those beatiful kiddos. That takes a special kind of strength that I'm not sure I have. I deeply admire you! :)

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    3. Awkwaaaard! Hahaha I would be like "WHERE'S MY FACE, YO?!" haha what a weird game to play. It's because they're old! They love their slot machines and their bingo. =]

      You are so sweet! Thank you <3 I bet you have that strength. You have such a kind and loving spirit and that's all you need.

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  9. I'm the very same way. It's the basic introversion in us all, and I LOVE it. I'm proud of it. I love that "... just because I have nothing to say so I’m going to say everything.." I know so many people who have this attitude and it's great for them, but sometimes it's just too much. And sometimes it's tough not to be super talkative, but I like it. It's calmer. Anyway, I would like to be real life bffs Larissa. Thanks.

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    1. I sometimes wish I was more extroverted but I just can't be. That's not who I am. It's okay, too. We need people who listen and we need people who talk. Sometimes it is a little much, especially when they're jumping in all.the.time, but that's who they are. I suppose if I want people to accept me as me, then I need to accept them as them. Let's be real life BFFs. I'm not even kidding! <3

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  10. Reading this (and everyone else's comments) is so encouraging! So I'm not the only one that feels EXACTLY this way :) I totally feel you, on every bit of it. I've struggled with my shyness and introvertedness lately, but I'm working on it, so it's great to hear others perspectives on it.
    And I absolutely believe that workplaces should take into account different personality types. Not everyone is up for these social gatherings where you're forced to interact and act like you're having a marvelous time. For me, I'm happy to be with a group, as long as I can hang out with the few people I'm comfortable with. And I'm ok with that :)
    Thank you for this!

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    1. Isn't it crazy how you're 900% positive you're the only person in the world who feels this way until you speak up?! And then you find lots of people who feel the same way and who would never make you incomfortable and understand those times that are meant for not talking. I completely agree about the job place making it a comfortable environment for everyone! Genius! Unfortunately, since I work in a law firm and lawyers tend to be outspoken, it's the general assumption that everyone is going to chatter and it'll all be ok. Oh, well. Someday I'll work up the nerve to fully engage I hope =]

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  11. Here's the thing, I'm not that shy. I'm silly (way too silly) at work and I work with teens and they are loud and I love my job. Sometimes, SOMETIMES, my coworkers make me crazy. I generally like to read blogs, and eat candy in my downtime. I don't want to see the outfit you bought your granddaughter, or listen to you wine about your colonoscopy, and I don't want you to stand over my shoulder and read my things. I just don't want that sort of interaction with my coworkers. They are all older and we don't have much in common. Phew. Can't they just leave me alonnnnnneee?

    Uhmmmm, also,I'm really light skinned? Should I still make my hair dark? I will never look tan... unlessss I use that jergens lotion that I bought!

    and alsooooo, lets come up with a DIY for magazine notebooks and we can post it on our blogs!!

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  12. Hahaha colonoscopy. Please do not share stories about your colonoscopy with us young 20 something's! Haha gross! At least you get to work with other people. I work in a department that has negative interaction with other people who are not my coworkers. I have made less than 5 phone calls to an outside person for my job in the year I've been here. That's probably part of the problem. I used to be a server. I was outgoing and friendly and chatty. But now my job locks me in a corner with no interaction and I've completely forgotten how to associate with others! Even my coworkers! Haha

    I love dark hair on everyone. Period. Do it. And that jergens lotion is amazing! I've used it before.

    And can we pleaseee?! It'll be the stuff of pinterest! =]

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  13. I have a friend who majored in sign language and is hoping to interpret!

    P.S. I wanted to let you know, I gave you a Liebster award on my blog today :)

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    1. That's awesome! I know they have adult Ed classes here that teach it. I'd love to learn conversational sign language because I'm pretty good with average words. =] and thank you sweets! You're awesome!

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  14. Larisssssaaaaaa. Are you doing the Send Something Good project? If not, I think you and I should become Happy Mail friends. I love making friends smile, and I don't have any Happy Mail friends!!! YES. Okay, so yes, I do have one tattoo. Hmmm. I have a picture on my Facebook but none on my phone. I got it when I was 19 and I. LOVE. IT. It's on the right side of my back and it's this huge piece; it says grace in this beautiful script because at the time, God was really teaching me specifically about how I didn't need to be an OVERSEAS missionary to please Him. (I'm still struggling with this truth 3 years later... Duh... Always will!) Anyway, there's vines all around it too. It's one color, black. The next tattoos I want are... YOU CAN'T TELL ANYONE! I want the outline of a small heart - about the size of a little bigger than a dime - on the inside of both my ankles. !!!!!!

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  15. Lady, I'm so there. I'm a pretty quiet person in general, and the fact that I'm the youngest at my office (by 20+ years!) makes it really difficult to relate to my co-workers most of the time. It's just a temporary thing to pay the bills, and my social life is a completely separate thing. And you're so right, drama doesn't end once you become an 'adult'! Breaks my heart/is unbelievable to me just how insensitive and petty some people can be (the ones that I should be able to respect/look up to for wisdom). I stay out of the business and keep myself to myself. There's enough drama and malice in the world without me adding to it.

    PS I just found your blog via Cara's and am completely in LOVE. I read some of your posts about Ethiopia and got goosebumps...I went with an organization in 2008 and it was so so hard to come back to the States. I haven't had the opportunity to go back since then, but it's on my heart daily. One day (:

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    1. Oh, yay! I love Cara! Thanks for stopping by =]

      I love what you said about there being enough malice in the world without adding to it. That's amazing. It's so blatantly obviously but so easily overlooked because I live in my own little world. So I need to work on being nicer and also continue to just stay out of the drama.

      You've been to Ethiopia, too? Love. I hope you get to go back someday! It's completely different the 2nd time and even more different after that! I love it there. And I miss it and I long for it daily. So I hope you do get to go back and enjoy it again!!

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<3