Thursday, December 15, 2011

falling apart

i literally think my body miiiight be giving up on me. first, i was shaving my pitties last night and it hurt. i thought i just cut myself and ignored it. but this morning my shirt was rubbing in my arm pit and i was like oh. my. gosh. did i stab myself with the razor? what. the. hell. so i stick my hand all up in my business and no. i have a tumor. a tumor in my arm pit. evan thinks it's just a zit. my mom thinks it's a tumor. (is that where my hypochondria comes from?!) but no, i'm pretty sure it's a tumor. it feels like a marble and it hurts so bad. zits are superficial little bumps not MARBLES under the skin. besides, who gets zits in their arm pits?!

speaking of that, my face has been breaking out like a 12-year-old sweaty boy. everyday i wake up to at least 2 or 3 new friends on my face. it's a blasty.

and then i went to the doctor today and my BP is 128/85. she goes, "do you normally have high blood pressure?"

stress is literally killing me. IN ADDITION? i pulled out 4 half grey hairs last week. I AM TWENTY THREE DAMN IT.

and? i think i'm bipolar. about my job. one day i want to quit and the next i'm in love with it. sometimes i hate it and i want to boot my computer across the parking lot, and the next i can't wait for my next project. probably when i love it is when my supervisor spends 15 minutes telling me how amazing i did on the project that took me over 3 weeks to go through an asinine amount of records and how much it helped in depositions. and probably when i'm not loving it is when i'm working on that project buried 6 feet deep in an asinine amount of records.

so, you tell me.

OH! and i think i have strep throat. that or a viral infection. i haven't had strep throat since my senior year of high school during prom. (yes, my life is that great sometimes. i still went and infected everyone.) but i've had viral infections...ohhhhh about every other day for the past 5 years. remember when i got my tonsils out so my throat would knock that off? YEAHITHOUGHTIDIDTOOBUTGUESSNOT. but i have little white grossies on my throat and my entire mouth hurts. and i've been grinding my teeth so hard at night that i chewed into my cheek.  basically what i'm saying is it's a party in my mouth. (and face. and armpit.)

and that might sort of be my fault for eating approximately 30 pounds of christmas candy. no shame.

i need to de-stress and de-sick and de-tumor myself so i can get on with this life already.

12 loves:

  1. feel better love <3 i hope you get some time off for the holidays so you can de-stress!

  2. I hope you start feeling better soon, poor thing.

    Just remain calm... I know that's easier said than done////

  3. ok... first I had a friend that had the armpit knot sore...whatever you want to call it and she had got an infection in on of her lymph nodes (is that how that is spelled?)

    Second... I second you on the my face is breaking out like mad! what gives!!!.... you know what I think it is... we are working out more and our body is sweating out the gross toxins and such therefore we end up with break-out mania.....

    ..3rd sorry about the job roller-coaster

    ...I am extra sorry about your throat crap! I have been having ear pain for the past month and a half from the stupid sinus infection I got around thanksgiving... yuck.... and I still have my tonsils ... and the left one has like grown since last year...and now I am getting nasty tonsil rocks... gross!!! but I am terrified to get them out..and it costs $$$$$ lots of $$$$$ i don't have :(

    OK I think I am done for now.. Cant wait for the Christmas party! hope you are feeling better soon and can de-stress some today.

  4. Thank you everyone! <3

    @katie-i do have several days off and I plan to sleep them away! I don't even care if that's not reasonable and/or wasteful. I've already decided. Haha

    @danielle-very much easier said than done. But I am just trying to take deep breaths and just keep swimming =]

    @andrea-you rock friend! We are working out too hard! Our poor bodies are like woahwoaahwoah what is this?! I am making a home made face scrub tonight and I will probably put some on my tumor for good measure =] I just googled it and google says its either a swollen lymph node, an infected sweat gland or a bacterial infection. Since my throat hurts too that only makes the most sense. Oh well. See you saturday friend!

  5. Are you pregnant?? Haha, I broke out tons when I first found out and little things started happening like a bump on my arm pit and hormonal breakdowns! Just kidding though. The move and work can be stressful enough to bring on all that!

  6. @DANINOSHUTUPINHEREIAMNOT!!! Ahhhhh! You had a bump, too? Like a tumor bump or what?! Oh dear. But no. Pretty sure I'm not. Work + move + holidays + just life in gen are all stressful. Add a baby in the mix and I'd probably be institutionalized! Ahaha

  7. Oh I hope you start to feel better. I am sorry that you feel so crappy. I totally know what you mean with the stress. Me too my dear, me too!

  8. I can totally relate to your stress! My face has looked so crappy!
    Hope you feel much better soon!

  9. @ash louise & @amy- thanks girls! I think we all should take a big blog friend vacation to the beach or something!

  10. Yikes! I'm sorry that all of that stuff is happening to your poor body! I hope that armpit thing is normal and not something scary and bad! I also hope you can find a happy middle ground about your job. Hating your job is a shitty, shitty thing. =[ I loveeee you. Let me know if I can do anything! forreal! I'm not just saying that!

  11. Aw, yuck. T-T I'm so sorry that everything is crazy.
    I think it's either a swollen lymph node or a cystic zit--they're incredibly deep, large, and hurt like the dickens but they never come to a head so you either destroy it, resulting in a monstrous scab, or you wait for it to disappear on its own terms. I speak from experience.

    I hope you feel better soon. :[

  12. @dr. sarah: how the heck do you destroy it? i squeezed it as hard as i could but almost passed out from the pain. okay, i exaggerate. but it hurt real bad. i once had a cyst in my wrist and googled it and read that you could smash it with a book. so i did. but instead, i hit it on the side of my desk at work (because it's curved not pointy) and it popped it and instant relief. i don't think this would be as easy. squatting at my desk ramming my arm pit against the edge. hahaha