Thursday, May 19, 2011

When jealousy isn't a bad thing.

When the people who have been waiting for more than what seems like forever, but at least two years, go to Ethiopia to meet their daughter and are suddenly on the next plane home. With her in their arms.

When your cousin sends you a link about an adoptive family. A link on the same day that these people are coming home.

When you see new photos of the ever adorable daughter of the person you owe your Ethiopian love to, and your heart just melts because she could quite possibly be the cutest child in this city.

When you read blogs about people who are three months pregnant.

When you read blogs about people who will be starting a family.

When you walk by the baby clothes in target and say to your husband, "Won't Cruz* look so adorable in that shirt? He will because you have one just like it and we are going to be one of those annoying matchy-match families."

When you're so jealous your heart feels like a rock in your chest.

When you're so jealous you can't concentrate on anything besides the idea of holding your new baby on the plane ride home. (And suddenly, flying across the ocean in a 300 million pound plane doesn't seem so terrifying.)

When you're so jealous that you're over the moon ecstatic for this family. That they have waited so patiently, so hopefully. Not giving up even though problems occur, walls sprout up out of no where, and you're told that there are no children at this time.

When you're so blessed with your own life, so overjoyed, so content, so glad.

When you know that someday this will be me. This will be me and Evan traveling that familiar path, arriving on humble soil, to greet our babies, plural, and bring them back to forever families.

When it's not the kind of jealousy that makes you bitter. That makes you feel like your life is incomplete, damaged, weak.

When it's the kind of jealousy that brings hope, that sprouts love and eagerness. The kind that you know, in your heart of hearts, that will be you some day.

That's when jealousy isn't a bad thing.

*Cruz is the name of my future adopted child. He's not in the mix yet, but he will be soon. His name will be Cruz, he will wear baby Toms and plaid shirts, just like his daddy.

7 loves:

  1. You. Are. Incredible.

    Can't wait.

  2. I feel the same way about good jealousy! (not quite as important but...) I get jealous of cute fit girls walking around in spring clothes, but it just motivates me to work out and eat better.
    Great post!

  3. Exactly! Jealousy is a motivator. Totally get it! =]

  4. Such a sweet, sweet post :]
    Adoption is a beautiful thing, and, yes, jealousy is lovely when it comes to watching a family come to together, especially when you're waiting for your own. There's nothing quite like having that special little one put in your arms when you've been waiting so long. My parents adopted twice from China, and my baby sisters are two of my greatest joys :]

  5. I know exactly what you mean about the good kind of jealousy. I have the same thing about people and their moms. =]

    Your day will come, and I cannot wait to meet little Cruz!

  6. @Sarah- I would loveee to have adopted sisters (or brothers) =] I bet they are such a blessing!
    @Jamie- I'm glad you know exactly what I mean. Except your time will come when you can redo it and be such a good mama to your babies!