I'm in a rut.

Maybe I'm just exhausted. Maybe it was how the morning started. Maybe it's the fact I keep being told that I'm just doing it for attention and that it didn't happen to me so it doesn't count. Maybe it's the fact that people who don't know me are bringing it up. Maybe it's the fact that it was in a bar and so inappropriate. Maybe it's how I cannot tell my feelings to anyone because I'm scared. Maybe it's because no one ever asks the other people. Maybe it's how nothing is ever over with no matter how many good days go by. Maybe it's how this scarred me for life and now I don't know what to do. Maybe it's because I stopped taking it. Maybe it's because of stress. Maybe it's because I have not done something on my own in over a month. Maybe that's because I can't for less than obvious reasons. Maybe it's because my past is comfortable and I would relive it over and over again. Maybe it's because I would do that differently and that irritates me. Maybe it's because I need to use more words and I'm not comfortable with that.

"I know I'm filled to be emptied again, this seed I've received I will sow."