lalala

Evan's Grandpa passed away peacefully in his sleep last night. My heart is just breaking for Evan and his entire family as they begin this grieving process, that Evan especially has never had to go through with a grandparent.

I ran through a million thoughts last night. Thinking about my grandparent's passing, their wakes, closing of the caskets, and funerals. I thought about how this week will proceed, obviously with me less involved than with my own grandparents, but still so incredibly difficult. Just going through the motions of things you never, ever really want to do.

And then I have to think about how someday, theoretically, this will be Evan and I. Evan said to me last night, "This makes me so thankful for how many years we have left together." Me, too. But also so terrified for this moment when we realize our time has come. Or maybe I realize his time has come and I must go on without him. At this point in my life, I can't stand to think about it. But it seems inevitable.

Violet posted a quote today from the world's oldest man who passed away in Montana a few weeks ago:

"Fear? Actually, there is no fear. So many people are afraid to die, and there's no use being afraid. You're born to die - everybody. Eventually that's what happens, and maybe it's good, maybe bad. It depends on what you did during your life. If you take care of your life, God will take care of you. Amen."

I couldn't believe how perfect this was to see today. God usually does a lot of things like this in my life and I kind of appreciate it a lot.

We're going to spend some time with his family, enjoy each others company, and celebrate his life. Please pray and send your positive thoughts our way, especially for my husband.