of course this would happen to me.

Exhibit A:

Please note the wild bird nesting itself on my computer plug in. IN MY LIVINGROOM.

Oh my gosh. Really? Of course.

Of course I would have my doors open to enjoy the beautiful summer day.
Of course I would be minding my own business when a flipping bird flew in and almost took off my head.
Of course I would own three stupid animals who wouldn't even notice a flying creature in their home.



It's going to poop it's gross slimey bird poop in my house. (Most likely on my head, because it's fond of flying directly at me at like 30 miles per hour.)
It's going to lay it's eggs and they'll hatch immediately and I'll have an entire bird family living in my house.

OH MY GOSH.

 Oh, here is the stupid bird sitting on my computer as I'm writing a blog about it. (It must have seen itself on the computer screen.) Don't worry, I made a bunch of noise: nothing. Shooed it with a piece of paper: nothing. Shooed it harder: got it off.

Then I called my fearless father and screamed into the phone, "DADOMGTHEREISABIRDINMYFREAKINGHOUSEWHATAREYOUDOINGRIGHTNOWCANYOUCOMEANDKILLITPLEASE?!"

So he did. Kinda. He brought his net, because all humans should own a net I'm now realizing (mine would be bigger with a lid and a ten foot pole), caught it, realized it was a pet because it was "friendly" (relative. it flew. at my head. fast. in my world, that's not friendly.) and he's taking it to Pet's Mart or the Animal Shelter. And it is gone gone gone out of my house and I don't have to worry about that terrifying creature pooping on my precious life.

I need a margarita after that.